[fanfic] Decayed, pt.10 [Code Geass]

[rex_sun]

Title: Decayed
Rating: R
Fandom: Code Geass
Character(s): Lelouch-centric. Mild Lelouch+Suzaku.
Summary: (Kinkmeme request.) Suzaku dies in Shinjuku, and Lelouch sets off on a different path: one that is destined to decay with time.

Notes: This has already been posted on the meme, I've just been lazy about copying it here. Part ten. And yes, I am still working on both Decayed and Nothing in Yourself... or, well, I still intend to, at least. To be honest I've barely touched them for a long time.

 

He takes the phone gently and, after a brief hesitation, hits the talk button. "...Euphy?"

"Oh, it's you!" The voice is very much not Euphemia's- it is masculine and mocking. This, then, is the Chinese man that disappeared with his sister: this is Mao. He says, "I was trying to get a hold of you in the first place, Lelouch, but I was lucky enough to be answered by C.C. all this time, so I admit I'm a little disappoi-"

"Who are you?" Lelouch cuts off.

"You already know my name, Lelouch."

Nunally has woken up and is propping herself up on her elbows. She frowns, sensing the tenseness in Lelouch.

"Mao?"

"That's right!"

"What have you done with Euphemia?"

"I told her the truth." 

Somehow, with C.C. standing by the bedside and Nunally listening in, and especially after the night before, that statement is a lot more menacing than it should be."But what I did," Mao continues through Lelouch's pause, "is nothing compared to what you did."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Lelouch growls, for some reason unable to contain his temper.

"Why don't you ask her yourself?" Mao says, his voice cheerful.

Lelouch sighs, growing wary of the conversation. He finds it harder than usual to go through the logical process of thought. He says, "You'll let me see her?"

"Of course, Lelouch. It isn't a matter of me letting anything. She came with me willingly, and she'll see you of her own will."

"Then I'll be coming for her," Lelouch hisses into the receiver. "Where?"

Mao giggles. "I'll arrange it and call you back, Lelouch. Say hi to the wife for me."

"You bastard-!"

But Mao has already hung up the phone.

Kallen comes to see Lelouch, the information having been relayed to her through C.C.

"You look tired," Kallen says lowly. Lelouch doesn't answer her. He finds himself not, for once, thinking much of anything, just sitting in a chair under the sunlight in the pristine white bathroom. His mind is blank. His mind is... blank. Full of the white noise of a tv station with nothing being broadcasted. Lelouch is waiting for Mao to call so that he may speak to Euphemia.

Kallen stands there for a while with a frown before sighing and shaking her head. "You can't go see her like that."

Lelouch quirks up an eyebrow at her, looking at her for the first time since she came into the room. Kallen crouches down beside him and picks up his hand. He hadn't realized how cold his skin was until she cradled it in her warmth. Lelouch stares at their joined fingers for a second before grunting in acknowledgement.

"I hadn't realized," he admits without shame: his fingernails have grown long and crooked and dirty.

"And this," Kallen whispers, reaching up and gently threading her fingers through a lock of his hair. When she tugs, her fingers do not slip through, but catch onto a knot, and the length tickles the lower reaches of his neck.

"...I forgot to comb it after the call," Lelouch says. Kallen looks him in the face with a strange twist to her lips and brow.

"And..."

She runs a hand along his face. The stubble there scratches them both.

Lelouch looks away from her and to Nunally. His poor sister looks worried. Lelouch can't have that.
 

"Don't worry about it," Lelouch says, and then he laughs a little and watches them start to relax. "I admit, I've been a little stressed out. Understandable. But... everything is going smoothly now. Japan is rewon and Euphemia will be back soon. It's fine."

Lelouch leans over and takes Nunally's hand. "It's fine." She smiles for him, hesitantly, but she does smiles.

 

When Kallen is gone and C.C. Is sitting with Nunally in the bedroom, Lelouch takes the opportunity to clip his nails. He knows Nunally can hear the loud clack of the clippers, but she doesn't break conversation to listen to him. The he combs out his hair, finds scissors, cuts it. Shaves his face cleanly.

He looks at his reflection. He got a good sleep last night. The shadows aren't as noticeable.

Lelouch smiles at his image, and the cell rings again from atop the vanity.

 
 

Lelouch is not surprised to discover that the only way a Britannian lives now in the new Japan is if he is wearing a Black Knights uniform. It's a very strange feeling, to put on the black jacket of his subordinates and then step out into the sunshine. To walk, a white man, amidst a crowd of Japanese, not a Britannian in sight unless it is a dead body or a prisoner or one of his own soldiers. To feel the breeze on his face-- how long since that had been so? He can't remember --and be, not Zero, but a seventeen year old in a too-large uniform, looking for his sister. 

Kallen strides up to him as soon as he emerges from the government building.

"You got out okay?" she asks tensely (worried that someone might have seen Zero changing, or Lelouch emerging from Zero's quarters, or...). Lelouch fights down a smirk.

"Yes... sir," Lelouch says, and salutes for good measure. Kallen flushes and turns on her heel and beckons him. Like a commanding officer.

It's at least amusing, so Lelouch follows.

Lelouch breathes in deeply the smells of autumn. Underneath his feet, leaves crunch; above his head, the sun shines brightly but weakly; around him, a chill breeze blows. The air smells like death-- the death of nature and men alike. Together he and Kallen climb over the ruins of the decimated city, sometimes going up the lean of a fallen over building and sometimes carefully sliding down the hill of debris from a personal home. Kallen looks back at him, annoyed, after they are passed by the third group of soldiers, on their way to some other task.

"...god, you really need to get in better shape."

Lelouch pants and slouches over his knees, trying to get over the stitch in his side and only being effective in dripping sweat onto the uniform. He'd say something back, he really would-- except he can't get the breath.

She laughs softly and sits bedside him. He sighs and slumps down next to her. "Thank you," he pants out.

"Sure. Say, Lelouch..."

He hums. She looks at him strangely and says, "I thought you said you wore a small. So I got you a small."

"Yes...?" Lelouch drawls, wondering what-- he looks down at the uniform --...oh.

She says, "Looks like you would wear an extra small. But then it'd be too short for you. You're really, really skinny."

Lelouch frowns. "I used to wear a small."

"You mean you got skinnier?" she gasps. "Is that alright?"

And it's like she has to touch him, to confirm for herself that he got skinnier, even though she never touched him when he was a little fuller. She circles his wrist with a thumb and her pinky. Some little disbelieving noise escapes her lips. "Are you--"

"Well, as I said," he interrupts, jerking his wrist away. "Stress, and all that. But I'm fine now."

He smiles at her. She doesn't look convinced. With a sigh he says,

"Alright, we'll change it right here and now. Why don't we go over there--" he points to some ever-industrious sandwich man who has set up shop even in the middle of such destruction, in one of the few patches of even land "--and get us something."

Kallen considers it, then smirks at him. "You paying?"

Lelouch laughs a little, but nervously. "It seems I, er, forgot to bring money with me."

Kallen rolls her eyes. "Oh fine. Not like a guy like you needs money, huh? I'll pay, get up."

They eat their sandwiches standing up, perched on top of a high hill of rubble. As various others walk by, they salute the captain of the Zero squad-- and totally ignore the skinny little Britannian kid they don't know to be Zero himself. Lelouch smiles around his meatball sub. They look happy, even in shoveling house bits and fishing out dead noble house dogs.

"So," he whispers. At Kallen's muffled question, Lelouch says, "So these are my soldiers."

Kallen swallows and grins in pride. "They are a good people. Resilient. Hard working."

"I see," Lelouch agrees.

Lelouch manages down about three fourths of his sub and gives the rest to Kallen. She finishes and then they continue on. She stops him only once to say, "You missed a spot. How very regal." She licks her finger and swipes it at the corner of his lips to rub away meat sauce.

Lelouch blushes, just a little, but she has already turned her back and is moving on, over the destruction.

 
 

It is nearly sunset by the time they arrive at Clovisland, or what is left of it. There are two knightmares crashed into the roller coaster and one on the carousel. As they draw near, the lights flash on and music, spitting with static, begins to play from a damaged sound system.

"Kallen, wait here," Lelouch mutters.

"But--"

"Wait."

Kallen frowns at his back, but obeys.

Lelouch makes his way past the fountains and the collapsed tents, trudges through unkempt patches of grass and ripped trashbags, full of food or used to be (eaten by dogs and birds and honestly, the stench no longer bothers Lelouch). He looks into each stable as he goes by: the greenhouse is empty, so is the bumper car building, the cafeteria and the bathroom stall house.

Outside with the rapidly falling darkness, Lelouch crunches a leaf beneath his foot and realizes it is autumn. The chill wind blows, and leaves skitter like bugs. This is the season of death, Lelouch thinks. When the mushrooms come out and the old things die and the animals start to hide. Where not even a mosquito will come out to suck blood. Darkness comes faster. Only old warmth leftover from the summer. Deterioration.

Lelouch feels his nerves on edge. He twitches and swings his head around at every creak of the metal rides, every whoosh of a dangling cable pushed by wind. He sighs at first in relief and then in frustration, and then as he is about to call out for Mao to show himself, his phone starts chirping from his pocket. He jumps, gasping, and fumbles for the phone. Euphemia's ID again.

"...Euphy?"

"Not yet."

Lelouch twitches again and whirls around; the voice came both from the device in his ear and from behind him.

The man is tall, white-haired-- bizarre. Sunglasses in the dark. Lelouch tries to swallow down his helplessly beating heart so that his fear, his nervousness, won't show. But the man slowly smiles, then giggles, then claps. Lelouch jumps at that cracking sound and hates himself for it.

"Mao?"

"Yes."

"I don't want to speak with you. Where's Euphemia?"

"We've been hiding together," Mao says with a tilt of his head. He reminds Lelouch of a bratty child.

"I don't care. Where is she?" Lelouch growls, already starting to move away and continue looking.

"I learned many interesting things from her. Like that you are her big brother. That's cute." Mao continues to smile under the melting heat of Lelouch's glare. (He can't believe Euphy actually--) "And that your mother died, boo hoo, and that you--" Mao's voice suddenly turns dark and angry, his face contorting into ugly madness "--sleep in the same bed as my C.C., you little punk."

Lelouch can feel a severe headache forming. He feels... why is it so hard to think about this? Why is his mind full of static? Lelouch can only squint at Mao, trying to... he's thinking about Euphy, and an image of C.C. swims forward to his mind's eye, but any further connections are behind a thick sheet of glass in his head. He can hear them, hear them pounding and yelling, but he can't understand what is being said.

Mao frowns, some of the anger melting. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

The ideas come to him finally, coalescing, curdling like sour milk. "You're after C.C.? That's none of my business. She's her own woman. If you have something to say to her, say it to her. I just want my little sister back."

Mao tilts his head, frowning thoughtfully, like Lelouch is an interesting puzzle.

"...you want C.C. So you're--"

Mao huffs and says, "And here Euphy was telling me that you were a genius."

"Don't call her that! You have no right..."

"Your mind is awfully strange. But I suppose you came to the right conclusion in the end."

And with that, Mao slides his sunglasses down his nose and glares at Lelouch with two bright, gleaming red eyes. Lelouch removes his own eyepatch and stares right back. Mao sighs and breaks contact, covering his eyes once more.

"You're really no fun. There's something wrong with you," Mao whines. Like his toy is broken, son of a bitch.

"Shut up already, what's that even supposed to--"

"I mean, I brought you all the way here so you could appreciate your own handiwork, but I suppose I overestimated your own conscious. You're so very selfish. Standing here amongst the ruins of a city, and it's all your fault. Do you know how many people died because of you? Suffered because of you? And all you're thinking of is what you want. Selfish!"

Lelouch can't take it anymore, and so simply brushes past Mao, looking around the park for any sign or flash of pink hair. But Mao, his voice growing stronger and more mocking with every minute, will not stop.

"Zero, the miracle maker... But all your miracles are just a Geass spell. Force people into things, that's your idea of helping them? By taking away their rights and their freedom?"

"Shut up!"

"You used it on Euphy... You took away everything she had. Her home, her family, her knight, her rights, everything. And then you had her scrubbing floors! You took away every bit of her self-determination. You made her powerless and weak. And yet you come here now, asking for her, wanting her to come back to you? You haven't spoken to her once, how could you know that she even wants to come back to you? You don't even consider her feelings. Is she even alive to you?"

"I SAID BE QUIET!" Lelouch screams, voice stretched and sore. He breathes heavily from his mouth, awash in a sea of blind, thoughtless rage. The world is starting to tilt and swirl around him and he feels nauseous, despite the fact that he has come to a standstill.

"Euphy told me you did the same thing to Nunally--"

"I love them! They're my sisters!"

"You love your sisters, but you have no problem stringing Cornelia up and leaving her all by her lonesome back at Narita. I wonder how she's faring, a princess kept prisoner by the people that hate her most. Do you think they beat her often without Zero protecting her? Do you think the men rape her? Or maybe you don't care. You're a bit of a rapist yourself-- stripping people of their human dignity like you do."

"I'm not a-- I'm trying to make the world better!"

"By destroying it. By robbing people. By killing and torturing and locking people up. Oh yes, you're a real saint, Lelouch vi Britannia. Now tell me what this is really all about. Mad that your daddy never loved you?"

Lelouch feels his knees shake under him and he clasps a hand to his head to stave off the mounting migraine.

"Is that what this is? Trying to take away what he won fair and square? Trying to prove to him that you're not as worthless as he knows you are?"

"Be quiet..."

"Trying some desperate grab for power, controlling a nation, looking for the power you never had. But in the meanwhile, you're forcing your so called loved ones into their own brand of powerlessness. You're just like your father, destroying things and dismissing human existence as some trivial, irritating matter. Selfish boy, look around you. Does this look like the kind of world Nunally wants to live in?"

Lelouch closes his eyes to fight off the sickness. With a dull thudding pain, his knees hit the concrete below him.

"The world really can't be changed, you were right for thinking that. Even if you were a true ruler, you'd ruin it all to hell. It'd take a greater man than you, you worthless little monster, to save people. Someone kinder, stronger, honest and sincere..."

Mao grins and says,

 "Someone like Suzaku."