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rex_sunY'all know me, I like it when folks whip me into shape. Ow! Feel free, f-list, to ignore this post entirely. I am inviting a certain reviewer to speak with me. I hope this person comes, really, and I also hope this person is not scared off by the tl;dr. But if any of y'all would like to register your two cents, please, feel free to jump right in. (:
I received this review on FFnet for Decayed:
This is quite the offering.
First of all, I don't really think /Decayed/ is as grimdark as you seem to think it is. Some of the imagery is certainly disturbing and the psychological implications are /horrible/ but you have to remember that /Code Geass/ for all that it was a seinen mecha anime was really very gritty at its core. And I've read much, much worse. So perhaps, it's me? Whatever.
There are two large problems I have with /Decayed/. Probably the biggest problem I have while reading /Decayed/, is that you took away one of Lelouch's biggest character flaws and Zero's greatest strengths in a single move. Lelouch and Zero do not *care* if someone dies for them. It's probably Lelouch's second biggest character flaw and something that makes Zero such an efficent and dangerous commander. If you don't matter to Lelouch your death is a statistic and a fact, nothing more or less. I don't think Lelouch even called out Suzaku's name in the beginning of the show, and when ol' what's his foot died fighting Rolo in R2 right after Zero's memories return, he got something to the effect of a 'I won't let you die in vein.' if I remember right. When his associates and subordinates die, Lelouch is more upset about his planning failures or the loss of something that was 'his'. Even the death
of Shirley's father only bothered him because it had such an affect on one of Lelouch's friends(possessions).
Only three deaths in the entire show that I can think of really had a lasting affect on Zero. His Mother's, Shirley's and Nunnaly's (presumed) death. He was upset about Euphy, but he had something else to focus on right away. Lelouch cared very little for means/events and focused much more on his goals and results. Throughout both seasons, the only time he lost sight of those was when he thought his only real reason, Nunnaly, died. Kallen's death would likely have had a similar affect, had it occurred and CC's memory loss was a blow, but he worked through that as well.
The second issue which is also great, is that Lelouch really and truly was straight as an arrow. Everything he did in his whole life was pretty much because of or for a woman. /Everything/. He had a mild Oedipus complex (more mother worship then sexual/romantic-love I think though) which was triggered/fueled by his father, and he eventually took that to its ultimate conclusion and killed his dad. When his mother chose his father over him and his sister though, he discarded her as well. Furthermore every man that factored heavily in his life was an enemy by their own choices. His father betrayed and discarded him (regardless of what Charles and Marianne thought). Suzaku betrayed him several times although they did ultimately ended as allies it was only when Suzaku came back to Lelouch, Zero had already offered Suzauku a place at least once and maybe twice. Ohugi betrayed him. Schinzel feared and hated him at least as much as he loved him. Rolo was bat-shit crazy and betrayed him frequently and Jeremiah wasn't really a major factor at all.
To change Lelouch's personality in such a fundamental way without any form of justification or explanation stretches my suspension of disbelief past the breaking point.
What comes after your incredibly broken setup, however, is often simply marvelous.
Again, it's completely unbelievable to me because although he occasionally needed help getting back on his feet (see: refrain attempt) Lelouch never once truly stopped moving towards his goal and his reason no matter the cost to anything else as we see at the end of R1. Even authoring his own death in front of the whole world by the hand of his best friend to achieve those goals. Penance? Yes. Escape? Likely. But if it hadn't have worked, or if it had required him living forever, you can bet it would have occurred differently.
Your well articulated descent in a spiral towards a wholly believable madness is /excellent/ however. If I can imagine a Lelouch lacking the strength of character that he had in canon then I can easily see him slipping down this very path or one similar enough to not matter. It's pretty spectacular.
Furthermore with the lack of Lancelot the White Knight(mare) to oppose him and being cut off from Nunnaly like he was (the /ONLY/ reason I can actually buy him collapsing like a house of cheap cards) the differences in events, such as capturing Cornelia and agreeing to marry Kaguya after such a stunning victory that came with such heavy repercussions... it's glorious. I really rather want to see a story that takes that part especially seriously (not tragically, but seriously).
tl;dr Your story is an interesting and enthralling chain of events that is set in motion by blatantly and inexplicably ignoring fundamental aspects of the main character, in my ne'er to be humble opinion.
Great writing though.
I am so happy to get such a brutal review. Without joking, I smiled when I read it. I appreciate it rather a lot. It also made me think. I think I might agree with some of the things you say, but I also take issue with a few right off the bat. So, if it pleases you, let us discuss this. Please note that I am myself a blunt communicator and, as friends and family point out, tactless, clipped, and harsh. Please know that it is not my intention to be a stubborn ass, though that does end up happening most of the time. It is also not my intention to be rude or ungrateful. I approach this matter happily and eager to explore. (Also, I am very poorly organized! Excuse!)
I will discuss your points, in no particular order and in various shades of agreement and disagreement and hopefully amiability (with an exception):
1. That in your opinion Decayed is not really that grim and dark.
2. That you believe Suzaku's death would not have been so big a factor for Lelouch, and that it could not compare to the deaths of Shirley's or his mother's.
3. The passing mention you made that you believe Kallen's death would have impacted Lelouch more than Suzaku's.
4. That you believe separation from Nunally is the only thing that could make Lelouch collapse the way he does in Decayed.
5. Your belief that Lelouch is heterosexual, and to write him otherwise is a flaw in characterization.
6. Your desire to see some of the events in a different setting.
7. And finally, I will thank you for the compliments you paid me!
Let us begin.
1.You believe that Decayed is not that grimdark. // "I don't really think /Decayed/ is as grimdark as you seem to think it is. Some of the imagery is certainly disturbing and the psychological implications are /horrible/ but you have to remember that /Code Geass/ for all that it was a seinen mecha anime was really very gritty at its core. And I've read much, much worse. So perhaps, it's me? Whatever."
This is quite fair and probably even true. On this point I will concede "different strokes for different folks". When writing Decayed, I felt a little down, but I never thought it was really disturbing. I did think it was grim in that it was a story without hope, and I did think it was dark because the subject matter isn't at all light-- but I was not disturbed by it when I wrote it.
However, on my original posting of Decayed, I received comments such as "I am so glad I finished eating before I read that." and "most disturbing...fic I've read on the meme. You have creeped me out..." and I do believe, when discussing it with a few people, they suggested I dial some things back.
So some people, you and myself included, are really not that bothered by the disturbing imagery. But some folks really are bothered, so for their sake, I warn them on my FFnet posting.
2. That you believe Suzaku's death would not have been so big a factor for Lelouch, and that it could not compare to the deaths of Shirley's or his mother's.
Here are some quick-fire responses to some of your points before I give a meatier response:
"If you don't matter to Lelouch your death is a statistic and a fact, nothing more or less."
--&& Of course. But Suzaku does matter to Lelouch. Incredibly much.
I don't think Lelouch even called out Suzaku's name in the beginning of the show
--&& You are mistaken here. A quick skim to the important parts of the first episode will show you that he does, in fact, call out for Suzaku, among other things.
"...when ol' what's his foot died fighting Rolo in R2 right after Zero's memories return, he got something to the effect of a 'I won't let you die in vein.' "
--&& (I lol'd @ "ol' what's his foot". Then I srs'd.) While Lelouch was subtly more fond of him than of other Black Knights, Urabe was still a pawn and he could not hold a sputtering little candle to the importance of Suzaku to Lelouch.
"Even the death of Shirley's father only bothered him because it had such an affect on one of Lelouch's friends(possessions)."
--&& True. But I hope you're not comparing Shirley's father to Suzaku. Lelouch never even met Shirley's father.
Now I think you are severely underestimating Suzaku's role in Lelouch's life. Canonically he is extremely dear to Lelouch; Lelouch several times jeopardizes what needs to be done in order to save Suzaku. He refuses, at many crucial times in S1, to give the order to kill Suzaku. Time and again he risks his life and the life of his pawns to save Suzaku. He expresses great emotional pain to know Suzaku fights against him. (See: Zero rescues Suzaku from execution; Zero's shock when Suzaku is revealed during Todoh's breakout; the scene in which Suzaku and Lelouch almost have an argument about Zero which culminates in Lelouch vehemently hissing disapproval for the expressed idea that Suzaku belongs with Britannia; Zero puts himself in danger by attempting to capture Suzaku at Shikinejima; Zero puts himself in danger to personally aid Suzaku at Kyushu; the (admittedly ambiguous) hurt when even Nunally acknowledges that Suzaku and Euphemia are a team; Lelouch's refusal to use Geass on Suzaku until it was absolutely necessary only to save Suzaku's life; and Lelouch's desire to team up with Suzaku even as Suzaku has a gun trained on him in the final episode. And that's just season one.)
If you say Lelouch has no extreme emotion for Suzaku's "death" in the first few episodes of canon, sorry, you've just forgotten I suppose. In the first episode there are three main reactions to Suzaku's supposed death: first, Lelouch screams out his name when Suzaku is first shot, and then stares in frozen horror. Later Lelouch stops running for his life, emotionally overwhelmed. He clutches his face and leans against the wall for support and yells, "They even killed Suzaku!" Then again he thinks of Suzaku in his despair as he reaches, hand shaking, for C.C., as he feels his life about to end.
The true beginning of Lelouch's descent in Decayed begins, in canon timeline, directly after episode three. But unlike in episode three, Lelouch did not find Suzaku to be alive. Instead the death of his friend washed over him like the tide rises: slowly powerful, and unstoppered by the relief of Suzaku's survival.
So I suppose I am saying that you are wrong, that I believe Suzaku's death could definitely rank in importance right up there with Shirley's or Nunally's. BUT. But. I CAN use your views.
How your review helps me: Could I have made the narration of Lelouch's feelings about Suzaku's death different? Could I have altered them somehow to subtly reference the difference between canon and Decayed? OR, indeed... would Suzaku's death not have affected Lelouch the way it did in Decayed? It would have affected him, that I stand by, but would his path have differed after all? Is it unrealistic, how far I took it? If Decayed was perfect, if my writing was perfect, I would not have to defend my views here, so it is your doubt that makes me look back and see what I can change.
3. The passing mention you made that you believe Kallen's death would have impacted Lelouch more than Suzaku's. // "Throughout both seasons, the only time he lost sight of those was when he thought his only real reason, Nunnaly, died. Kallen's death would likely have had a similar affect, had it occurred..."
I do not have a strong opinion on part of this. Many folks I know think the Lelouch/Kallen angle in canon was absolutely forced and false. I do not believe that personally. I neither support nor cockblock this pairing. It is something I occassionally enjoy but do not actively look for.
Is Kallen important to Lelouch? Yeah, I'd say so. I'd say, even ignoring the shippy rhetoric, Lelouch is fond of Kallen, proud of Kallen, protective/possessive of Kallen. Lelouch would bend very far for Kallen, would do quite a lot to save and protect (re: her capture by the Chinese) and encourage her. He respects her, he likes her genuinely as a friend and maybe a lot more.
Is Kallen more important to Lelouch than Suzaku is? No. Absolutely not. I see no evidence of this. She might, if you stretch it and chose to interpret canon that Lelouch was in love with her-- then she miiiiight be equally important. But Kallen is not more important to Lelouch than Suzaku.
4. That you believe separation from Nunally is the only thing that could make Lelouch collapse the way he does in Decayed. // "being cut off from Nunnaly like he was (the /ONLY/ reason I can actually buy him collapsing like a house of cheap cards)"
I would like to read more of your thoughts on this. In canon I think we see, whether Lelouch is with Nunally or not, a marked decline in Lelouch's scruples no matter what. I do agree that Nunally's absence is never good for Lelouch's sanity, but I think many other events in canon, events you brush off as trivial to Lelouch's goals, actually do end up affecting his judgement and his stability. I just happened to take an extreme road, but in canon, I think the death of Shirley's father, the death of Euphy, and a few other events like Saitama and Narita do contribute to a less stable Lelouch over the course of the series-- a Lelouch that make less and less good, moral decisions (if he made any at all, one might argue!).
5. Your belief that Lelouch is straight, and to write him otherwise is a flaw in characterization. // The second issue which is also great, is that Lelouch really and truly was straight as an arrow.
This is something that made me angry, to be honest. I gnashed my teeth a little and reminded myself that you probably do not mean this unkindly. Well, I hope you are not opposed to homosexuals in general. I will assume you are a decent human being and move on.
I will make these points in my refute:
a. There is a big difference between sexuality and expressions towards gender.
b. There is not enough concrete evidence to irreversibly prove Lelouch swings one way or the other.
c. Sexuality of a a character should not be on par with a key point of character motivation.
d. You were reading the FFnet version. The sex-lite version. Why is the extremely vague and in-concrete mentions of his sexuality even an issue for you?
a. There is a big difference between sexuality and expressions towards gender.
Every single reason you gave for Lelouch being straight... Has NOTHING to do with sexuality. Holding women on high, being motivated by women, and having bad relationships with men... None of this has anything to do with hetero or homosexuality.
Sexuality is not something that can be changed. Say if Lelouch had a good relationship with the men in his life-- that would not mean he is more likely to be gay. If Lelouch had had a bad relationship with women-- this would not make him less straight. Life experiences will not change what sort of pee pees your pee pee likes. It MAY change how you express yourself to certain genders.
Let me give some real-life examples. Say a straight woman is beaten horribly by her husband. This will NOT turn her into a lesbian. She still has the unfortunate and irreversible PHYSICAL attraction to men. However, being beaten by a man may turn her into a "man hater". It's real, it's possible. She may not want to enter into relationships with men after that because she no longer trusts men. But that will not stop her from being physically attracted to men.
Let's get more personal. I myself am like Lelouch in that I do not generally have a good relationship with men. I too have an absent father who did much damage to my poor mother. For the longest time, I had severe issues with men and the male body. I proclaimed far and wide and loud that I liked only women. You could say I was overcompensating. At this time, I weirdly denied or explained away any action or fantasy that evidenced my attraction to men. But the truth is, I AM attracted to men. I AM bisexual, leaning towards gay. There came a point that, despite never having acted on this attraction before and despite being fixed in my mind that I was straight, I could no longer deny my attraction. It is somewhat unfortunate-- even now I have my prejudices against other men, my reservations and my insecurities when dealing with them.
The point is that one can express a pronounced hatred for a gender and still be physically/sexually attracted to that gender/sex. Lelouch may have gentle feelings towards women, but this does not prove irrevocably that he would want to bone women. Lelouch may be at odds with almost every man in his life, but that does not prove irrevocably that he doesn't still want their penis.
b. There is not enough concrete evidence to irreversibly prove Lelouch swings one way or the other.
Lelouch does not canonically show a pronounced sexual interest in either sex. Anyone is free to interpret his sexuality any which way they please. For instance, I watch Lelouch, a teenage male, see a naked woman showering (Kallen) and I watch him look away without even a blush and I think, "GAY." ...but that's just me. I then later see him becoming flustered and wishing for a kiss from a girl (Shirley in R2) and I can see where he is interpreted as straight. I even like me some straight Lelouch sometimes.
I see Lelouch in side materials (which are ambiguously canon, admittedly) become just a little bit too defensive against a flirting Suzaku. I see Lelouch share a bed with a mostly naked woman (C.C.) and not have a single dirty thought.
There are a few sexual-ish scenes in Code Geass, and I find Lelouch's lack of reaction telling. But that's just my interpretation. It is perfectly valid and acceptable to interpret Lelouch as straight. You could even interpret him as slightly homophobic. You could interpret him as bisexual. You could interpret him as asexual, having no sexual feelings for either sex. In short, it is not inherently wrong to write Lelouch as any orientation. Since there is never a super-official canon relationship, or at least none to which Lelouch sexually engages in, then there is no right-or-wrong.
For more information, here is a link to an (extremely long, sorry) discussion on the very subject matter of Lelouch's orientation: http://cgkinkmemeii.livejournal.com/1213.html?thread=909245#t909245
I do not expect you to read this whole thing. Hell, I didn't. But if you want to see where different people come from, here it is.
c. Sexuality of a character should not be on par with a key point of character motivation.
(Excuse me, this is where I let my temper take over.)
You said there were two bigs things wrong with Decayed. That I missed a critical character trait and that I implied that Lelouch may not be 100 % straight.
I do not understand how you can equate the two. Sexuality does not define a person's life even half as much as plots for world domination. If he is written as being bisexual or gay, why is that as important as his actual personality? (Sexuality is not personality.)
d. You were reading the FFnet version. The sex-lite version. Why is the extremely vague and non-concrete mentions of his sexuality even an issue for you?
The original Decayed was 10x gayer than the FFnet version. Suzaku and Lelouch don't even kiss in the FFnet version. In the FFnet version, there is just as much Kallen/Lelouch, Kaguya/Lelouch, Euphy/Lelouch, C.C./Lelouch, and even Lelouch/Nunally as there is Lelouch/Suzaku inclinations. Why ignore all of these implications towards female attraction and zoom in to the strange, vague, barely-touching homosexual implications? The homosexuality is hardly even mentioned in the FFnet version.
I realize I'm being snippy about the question of sexuality... But it genuinely made me angry. I'm not even going to apologize.
How your review helps me: Some folks genuinely just don't want to read homosexuality. I understand that. So I ask myself: should I cut the Lelouch/Suzaku implications from plot-centered fics all-together? (I do write fics which depend heavily upon the pairing, so it's not like I'll never write it again, far from.) Would the removal of these implications harm the feel of Decayed in particular? And if the removal did not hurt Decayed, and I went ahead with it, I would have to remove all heterosexual implications as well, for absolute fairness and equality. Would the removal of Kaguya/Lelouch, C.C./Lelouch, Kallen/Lelouch, etc, harm Decayed? The removal of Kaguya/Lelouch most definitely would, since it is the most concrete mention. Would it be fair to leave in Kaguya/Lelouch if I removed everyone-else/Lelouch? Your review helps my self-edit thinking process.
6. Your desire to see some of the events in a different setting. // I really rather want to see a story that takes that part especially seriously (not tragically, but seriously).
I am totally up to that. Well, I have a very large project list, but adding more to the "some day" pile never bothers me, particularly. I am always open to challenges/requests. I think I may write a Kaguya/Lelouch(Zero) one day. Anything else you'd like to see?
7. And finally, I will thank you for the compliments you paid me!
What comes after your incredibly broken setup, however, is often simply marvelous.
Your well articulated descent in a spiral towards a wholly believable madness is /excellent/ however.
It's pretty spectacular.
Your story is an interesting and enthralling chain of events
Great writing though.
THANK YOU SO MUCH these parts made me all warm and happy and other fuzzy-cute things. :D That's why I am reallyyyyy hoping I haven't offended you by not agreeing with some things and by the way I approached some of these arguments. Thanks for looking out for me!
If you would like to respond, and I really hope you do, anonymous comments are enabled. Please and thank you!
I received this review on FFnet for Decayed:
This is quite the offering.
First of all, I don't really think /Decayed/ is as grimdark as you seem to think it is. Some of the imagery is certainly disturbing and the psychological implications are /horrible/ but you have to remember that /Code Geass/ for all that it was a seinen mecha anime was really very gritty at its core. And I've read much, much worse. So perhaps, it's me? Whatever.
There are two large problems I have with /Decayed/. Probably the biggest problem I have while reading /Decayed/, is that you took away one of Lelouch's biggest character flaws and Zero's greatest strengths in a single move. Lelouch and Zero do not *care* if someone dies for them. It's probably Lelouch's second biggest character flaw and something that makes Zero such an efficent and dangerous commander. If you don't matter to Lelouch your death is a statistic and a fact, nothing more or less. I don't think Lelouch even called out Suzaku's name in the beginning of the show, and when ol' what's his foot died fighting Rolo in R2 right after Zero's memories return, he got something to the effect of a 'I won't let you die in vein.' if I remember right. When his associates and subordinates die, Lelouch is more upset about his planning failures or the loss of something that was 'his'. Even the death
of Shirley's father only bothered him because it had such an affect on one of Lelouch's friends(possessions).
Only three deaths in the entire show that I can think of really had a lasting affect on Zero. His Mother's, Shirley's and Nunnaly's (presumed) death. He was upset about Euphy, but he had something else to focus on right away. Lelouch cared very little for means/events and focused much more on his goals and results. Throughout both seasons, the only time he lost sight of those was when he thought his only real reason, Nunnaly, died. Kallen's death would likely have had a similar affect, had it occurred and CC's memory loss was a blow, but he worked through that as well.
The second issue which is also great, is that Lelouch really and truly was straight as an arrow. Everything he did in his whole life was pretty much because of or for a woman. /Everything/. He had a mild Oedipus complex (more mother worship then sexual/romantic-love I think though) which was triggered/fueled by his father, and he eventually took that to its ultimate conclusion and killed his dad. When his mother chose his father over him and his sister though, he discarded her as well. Furthermore every man that factored heavily in his life was an enemy by their own choices. His father betrayed and discarded him (regardless of what Charles and Marianne thought). Suzaku betrayed him several times although they did ultimately ended as allies it was only when Suzaku came back to Lelouch, Zero had already offered Suzauku a place at least once and maybe twice. Ohugi betrayed him. Schinzel feared and hated him at least as much as he loved him. Rolo was bat-shit crazy and betrayed him frequently and Jeremiah wasn't really a major factor at all.
To change Lelouch's personality in such a fundamental way without any form of justification or explanation stretches my suspension of disbelief past the breaking point.
What comes after your incredibly broken setup, however, is often simply marvelous.
Again, it's completely unbelievable to me because although he occasionally needed help getting back on his feet (see: refrain attempt) Lelouch never once truly stopped moving towards his goal and his reason no matter the cost to anything else as we see at the end of R1. Even authoring his own death in front of the whole world by the hand of his best friend to achieve those goals. Penance? Yes. Escape? Likely. But if it hadn't have worked, or if it had required him living forever, you can bet it would have occurred differently.
Your well articulated descent in a spiral towards a wholly believable madness is /excellent/ however. If I can imagine a Lelouch lacking the strength of character that he had in canon then I can easily see him slipping down this very path or one similar enough to not matter. It's pretty spectacular.
Furthermore with the lack of Lancelot the White Knight(mare) to oppose him and being cut off from Nunnaly like he was (the /ONLY/ reason I can actually buy him collapsing like a house of cheap cards) the differences in events, such as capturing Cornelia and agreeing to marry Kaguya after such a stunning victory that came with such heavy repercussions... it's glorious. I really rather want to see a story that takes that part especially seriously (not tragically, but seriously).
tl;dr Your story is an interesting and enthralling chain of events that is set in motion by blatantly and inexplicably ignoring fundamental aspects of the main character, in my ne'er to be humble opinion.
Great writing though.
I am so happy to get such a brutal review. Without joking, I smiled when I read it. I appreciate it rather a lot. It also made me think. I think I might agree with some of the things you say, but I also take issue with a few right off the bat. So, if it pleases you, let us discuss this. Please note that I am myself a blunt communicator and, as friends and family point out, tactless, clipped, and harsh. Please know that it is not my intention to be a stubborn ass, though that does end up happening most of the time. It is also not my intention to be rude or ungrateful. I approach this matter happily and eager to explore. (Also, I am very poorly organized! Excuse!)
I will discuss your points, in no particular order and in various shades of agreement and disagreement and hopefully amiability (with an exception):
1. That in your opinion Decayed is not really that grim and dark.
2. That you believe Suzaku's death would not have been so big a factor for Lelouch, and that it could not compare to the deaths of Shirley's or his mother's.
3. The passing mention you made that you believe Kallen's death would have impacted Lelouch more than Suzaku's.
4. That you believe separation from Nunally is the only thing that could make Lelouch collapse the way he does in Decayed.
5. Your belief that Lelouch is heterosexual, and to write him otherwise is a flaw in characterization.
6. Your desire to see some of the events in a different setting.
7. And finally, I will thank you for the compliments you paid me!
Let us begin.
1.You believe that Decayed is not that grimdark. // "I don't really think /Decayed/ is as grimdark as you seem to think it is. Some of the imagery is certainly disturbing and the psychological implications are /horrible/ but you have to remember that /Code Geass/ for all that it was a seinen mecha anime was really very gritty at its core. And I've read much, much worse. So perhaps, it's me? Whatever."
This is quite fair and probably even true. On this point I will concede "different strokes for different folks". When writing Decayed, I felt a little down, but I never thought it was really disturbing. I did think it was grim in that it was a story without hope, and I did think it was dark because the subject matter isn't at all light-- but I was not disturbed by it when I wrote it.
However, on my original posting of Decayed, I received comments such as "I am so glad I finished eating before I read that." and "most disturbing...fic I've read on the meme. You have creeped me out..." and I do believe, when discussing it with a few people, they suggested I dial some things back.
So some people, you and myself included, are really not that bothered by the disturbing imagery. But some folks really are bothered, so for their sake, I warn them on my FFnet posting.
2. That you believe Suzaku's death would not have been so big a factor for Lelouch, and that it could not compare to the deaths of Shirley's or his mother's.
Here are some quick-fire responses to some of your points before I give a meatier response:
"If you don't matter to Lelouch your death is a statistic and a fact, nothing more or less."
--&& Of course. But Suzaku does matter to Lelouch. Incredibly much.
I don't think Lelouch even called out Suzaku's name in the beginning of the show
--&& You are mistaken here. A quick skim to the important parts of the first episode will show you that he does, in fact, call out for Suzaku, among other things.
"...when ol' what's his foot died fighting Rolo in R2 right after Zero's memories return, he got something to the effect of a 'I won't let you die in vein.' "
--&& (I lol'd @ "ol' what's his foot". Then I srs'd.) While Lelouch was subtly more fond of him than of other Black Knights, Urabe was still a pawn and he could not hold a sputtering little candle to the importance of Suzaku to Lelouch.
"Even the death of Shirley's father only bothered him because it had such an affect on one of Lelouch's friends(possessions)."
--&& True. But I hope you're not comparing Shirley's father to Suzaku. Lelouch never even met Shirley's father.
Now I think you are severely underestimating Suzaku's role in Lelouch's life. Canonically he is extremely dear to Lelouch; Lelouch several times jeopardizes what needs to be done in order to save Suzaku. He refuses, at many crucial times in S1, to give the order to kill Suzaku. Time and again he risks his life and the life of his pawns to save Suzaku. He expresses great emotional pain to know Suzaku fights against him. (See: Zero rescues Suzaku from execution; Zero's shock when Suzaku is revealed during Todoh's breakout; the scene in which Suzaku and Lelouch almost have an argument about Zero which culminates in Lelouch vehemently hissing disapproval for the expressed idea that Suzaku belongs with Britannia; Zero puts himself in danger by attempting to capture Suzaku at Shikinejima; Zero puts himself in danger to personally aid Suzaku at Kyushu; the (admittedly ambiguous) hurt when even Nunally acknowledges that Suzaku and Euphemia are a team; Lelouch's refusal to use Geass on Suzaku until it was absolutely necessary only to save Suzaku's life; and Lelouch's desire to team up with Suzaku even as Suzaku has a gun trained on him in the final episode. And that's just season one.)
If you say Lelouch has no extreme emotion for Suzaku's "death" in the first few episodes of canon, sorry, you've just forgotten I suppose. In the first episode there are three main reactions to Suzaku's supposed death: first, Lelouch screams out his name when Suzaku is first shot, and then stares in frozen horror. Later Lelouch stops running for his life, emotionally overwhelmed. He clutches his face and leans against the wall for support and yells, "They even killed Suzaku!" Then again he thinks of Suzaku in his despair as he reaches, hand shaking, for C.C., as he feels his life about to end.
The true beginning of Lelouch's descent in Decayed begins, in canon timeline, directly after episode three. But unlike in episode three, Lelouch did not find Suzaku to be alive. Instead the death of his friend washed over him like the tide rises: slowly powerful, and unstoppered by the relief of Suzaku's survival.
So I suppose I am saying that you are wrong, that I believe Suzaku's death could definitely rank in importance right up there with Shirley's or Nunally's. BUT. But. I CAN use your views.
How your review helps me: Could I have made the narration of Lelouch's feelings about Suzaku's death different? Could I have altered them somehow to subtly reference the difference between canon and Decayed? OR, indeed... would Suzaku's death not have affected Lelouch the way it did in Decayed? It would have affected him, that I stand by, but would his path have differed after all? Is it unrealistic, how far I took it? If Decayed was perfect, if my writing was perfect, I would not have to defend my views here, so it is your doubt that makes me look back and see what I can change.
3. The passing mention you made that you believe Kallen's death would have impacted Lelouch more than Suzaku's. // "Throughout both seasons, the only time he lost sight of those was when he thought his only real reason, Nunnaly, died. Kallen's death would likely have had a similar affect, had it occurred..."
I do not have a strong opinion on part of this. Many folks I know think the Lelouch/Kallen angle in canon was absolutely forced and false. I do not believe that personally. I neither support nor cockblock this pairing. It is something I occassionally enjoy but do not actively look for.
Is Kallen important to Lelouch? Yeah, I'd say so. I'd say, even ignoring the shippy rhetoric, Lelouch is fond of Kallen, proud of Kallen, protective/possessive of Kallen. Lelouch would bend very far for Kallen, would do quite a lot to save and protect (re: her capture by the Chinese) and encourage her. He respects her, he likes her genuinely as a friend and maybe a lot more.
Is Kallen more important to Lelouch than Suzaku is? No. Absolutely not. I see no evidence of this. She might, if you stretch it and chose to interpret canon that Lelouch was in love with her-- then she miiiiight be equally important. But Kallen is not more important to Lelouch than Suzaku.
4. That you believe separation from Nunally is the only thing that could make Lelouch collapse the way he does in Decayed. // "being cut off from Nunnaly like he was (the /ONLY/ reason I can actually buy him collapsing like a house of cheap cards)"
I would like to read more of your thoughts on this. In canon I think we see, whether Lelouch is with Nunally or not, a marked decline in Lelouch's scruples no matter what. I do agree that Nunally's absence is never good for Lelouch's sanity, but I think many other events in canon, events you brush off as trivial to Lelouch's goals, actually do end up affecting his judgement and his stability. I just happened to take an extreme road, but in canon, I think the death of Shirley's father, the death of Euphy, and a few other events like Saitama and Narita do contribute to a less stable Lelouch over the course of the series-- a Lelouch that make less and less good, moral decisions (if he made any at all, one might argue!).
5. Your belief that Lelouch is straight, and to write him otherwise is a flaw in characterization. // The second issue which is also great, is that Lelouch really and truly was straight as an arrow.
This is something that made me angry, to be honest. I gnashed my teeth a little and reminded myself that you probably do not mean this unkindly. Well, I hope you are not opposed to homosexuals in general. I will assume you are a decent human being and move on.
I will make these points in my refute:
a. There is a big difference between sexuality and expressions towards gender.
b. There is not enough concrete evidence to irreversibly prove Lelouch swings one way or the other.
c. Sexuality of a a character should not be on par with a key point of character motivation.
d. You were reading the FFnet version. The sex-lite version. Why is the extremely vague and in-concrete mentions of his sexuality even an issue for you?
a. There is a big difference between sexuality and expressions towards gender.
Every single reason you gave for Lelouch being straight... Has NOTHING to do with sexuality. Holding women on high, being motivated by women, and having bad relationships with men... None of this has anything to do with hetero or homosexuality.
Sexuality is not something that can be changed. Say if Lelouch had a good relationship with the men in his life-- that would not mean he is more likely to be gay. If Lelouch had had a bad relationship with women-- this would not make him less straight. Life experiences will not change what sort of pee pees your pee pee likes. It MAY change how you express yourself to certain genders.
Let me give some real-life examples. Say a straight woman is beaten horribly by her husband. This will NOT turn her into a lesbian. She still has the unfortunate and irreversible PHYSICAL attraction to men. However, being beaten by a man may turn her into a "man hater". It's real, it's possible. She may not want to enter into relationships with men after that because she no longer trusts men. But that will not stop her from being physically attracted to men.
Let's get more personal. I myself am like Lelouch in that I do not generally have a good relationship with men. I too have an absent father who did much damage to my poor mother. For the longest time, I had severe issues with men and the male body. I proclaimed far and wide and loud that I liked only women. You could say I was overcompensating. At this time, I weirdly denied or explained away any action or fantasy that evidenced my attraction to men. But the truth is, I AM attracted to men. I AM bisexual, leaning towards gay. There came a point that, despite never having acted on this attraction before and despite being fixed in my mind that I was straight, I could no longer deny my attraction. It is somewhat unfortunate-- even now I have my prejudices against other men, my reservations and my insecurities when dealing with them.
The point is that one can express a pronounced hatred for a gender and still be physically/sexually attracted to that gender/sex. Lelouch may have gentle feelings towards women, but this does not prove irrevocably that he would want to bone women. Lelouch may be at odds with almost every man in his life, but that does not prove irrevocably that he doesn't still want their penis.
b. There is not enough concrete evidence to irreversibly prove Lelouch swings one way or the other.
Lelouch does not canonically show a pronounced sexual interest in either sex. Anyone is free to interpret his sexuality any which way they please. For instance, I watch Lelouch, a teenage male, see a naked woman showering (Kallen) and I watch him look away without even a blush and I think, "GAY." ...but that's just me. I then later see him becoming flustered and wishing for a kiss from a girl (Shirley in R2) and I can see where he is interpreted as straight. I even like me some straight Lelouch sometimes.
I see Lelouch in side materials (which are ambiguously canon, admittedly) become just a little bit too defensive against a flirting Suzaku. I see Lelouch share a bed with a mostly naked woman (C.C.) and not have a single dirty thought.
There are a few sexual-ish scenes in Code Geass, and I find Lelouch's lack of reaction telling. But that's just my interpretation. It is perfectly valid and acceptable to interpret Lelouch as straight. You could even interpret him as slightly homophobic. You could interpret him as bisexual. You could interpret him as asexual, having no sexual feelings for either sex. In short, it is not inherently wrong to write Lelouch as any orientation. Since there is never a super-official canon relationship, or at least none to which Lelouch sexually engages in, then there is no right-or-wrong.
For more information, here is a link to an (extremely long, sorry) discussion on the very subject matter of Lelouch's orientation: http://cgkinkmemeii.livejournal.com/1213.html?thread=909245#t909245
I do not expect you to read this whole thing. Hell, I didn't. But if you want to see where different people come from, here it is.
c. Sexuality of a character should not be on par with a key point of character motivation.
(Excuse me, this is where I let my temper take over.)
You said there were two bigs things wrong with Decayed. That I missed a critical character trait and that I implied that Lelouch may not be 100 % straight.
I do not understand how you can equate the two. Sexuality does not define a person's life even half as much as plots for world domination. If he is written as being bisexual or gay, why is that as important as his actual personality? (Sexuality is not personality.)
d. You were reading the FFnet version. The sex-lite version. Why is the extremely vague and non-concrete mentions of his sexuality even an issue for you?
The original Decayed was 10x gayer than the FFnet version. Suzaku and Lelouch don't even kiss in the FFnet version. In the FFnet version, there is just as much Kallen/Lelouch, Kaguya/Lelouch, Euphy/Lelouch, C.C./Lelouch, and even Lelouch/Nunally as there is Lelouch/Suzaku inclinations. Why ignore all of these implications towards female attraction and zoom in to the strange, vague, barely-touching homosexual implications? The homosexuality is hardly even mentioned in the FFnet version.
I realize I'm being snippy about the question of sexuality... But it genuinely made me angry. I'm not even going to apologize.
How your review helps me: Some folks genuinely just don't want to read homosexuality. I understand that. So I ask myself: should I cut the Lelouch/Suzaku implications from plot-centered fics all-together? (I do write fics which depend heavily upon the pairing, so it's not like I'll never write it again, far from.) Would the removal of these implications harm the feel of Decayed in particular? And if the removal did not hurt Decayed, and I went ahead with it, I would have to remove all heterosexual implications as well, for absolute fairness and equality. Would the removal of Kaguya/Lelouch, C.C./Lelouch, Kallen/Lelouch, etc, harm Decayed? The removal of Kaguya/Lelouch most definitely would, since it is the most concrete mention. Would it be fair to leave in Kaguya/Lelouch if I removed everyone-else/Lelouch? Your review helps my self-edit thinking process.
6. Your desire to see some of the events in a different setting. // I really rather want to see a story that takes that part especially seriously (not tragically, but seriously).
I am totally up to that. Well, I have a very large project list, but adding more to the "some day" pile never bothers me, particularly. I am always open to challenges/requests. I think I may write a Kaguya/Lelouch(Zero) one day. Anything else you'd like to see?
7. And finally, I will thank you for the compliments you paid me!
What comes after your incredibly broken setup, however, is often simply marvelous.
Your well articulated descent in a spiral towards a wholly believable madness is /excellent/ however.
It's pretty spectacular.
Your story is an interesting and enthralling chain of events
Great writing though.
THANK YOU SO MUCH these parts made me all warm and happy and other fuzzy-cute things. :D That's why I am reallyyyyy hoping I haven't offended you by not agreeing with some things and by the way I approached some of these arguments. Thanks for looking out for me!
If you would like to respond, and I really hope you do, anonymous comments are enabled. Please and thank you!
