[fanfic] The Hurricane Quiets [Hikaru no Go]

[rex_sun]

Title: The Hurricane Quiets
Rating: R for non-explicit sex
Fandom: Hikaru no Go
Characters: Touya Akira, Shindo Hikaru.
Summary: In the midst of a losing streak, Shindo Hikaru finds the elusive win.

Notes: I HAVE THE WORST WRITER'S BLOCK EVER, GUYS. I struggled with this soooo much. But uhm. Even if y'all don't know HnG, would y'all be pals and read this? I really, really need serious criticism on this. Because, er, this style is sort of moving in the direction that I want to take "In Times of Drought" [Code Geass], and... I don't even know. Like, I can't judge this piece at all because I had so many problems.

In time there comes to be a new Touya Meijin. He is like the old Touya Meijin in that he is stoic and strong and untouchable. There is even, if he tilts his head just so in the artificial light, the faintest beginnings of frown lines between his constantly furrowed eyebrows and along his ever-downturned lips. He's only 21 years old and his father does not watch the match and for that, he cries--

(but only when he is by himself, in the bathroom, and he quickly stifles the flow by dabbing his face genteelly).

Afterward-- that is, perhaps an entire week later --Touya Meijin sends his father an email with the kifu attached. He waits for the response for a while, refreshing his inbox every half an hour but not any sooner. He stays awake until one in the morning. Only until later that day does he gets a call from Taiwan with his father saying firstly, congratulations and secondly, what is an attachment? Touya Meijin sinks back in his chair and laughs--

(softly, honestly, maybe in relief, but still by himself, in the modest little apartment that hums with the noise of his fridge and his computer but not--).

***

Touya Meijin is swarmed the next time he goes to his father's Go salon by well-wishers with blowouts, like they know that he was avoiding coming but would show up eventually anyway. Touya Meijin can't help his smile as the old men pat his shoulders and tell him that his father must be very proud.

At last the crowd lets him walk through, but they watch with happily flushed faces as he sinks into the chair opposite of Shindo 6-Dan. Shindo 6-Dan sips tea and when Touya Meijin smiles wordlessly and removes the nearest goke from atop its goban, Shindo does not remove his but continues to sip. Touya Meijin looks up, both annoyed and confused, to see Shindo staring with eyes as hard as the challenger position he lost the right to (a 2 point difference).

Touya Meijin glares right back willingly. Long ago he taught Shindo-- quite accidentally but he (mostly) doesn't regret it --to not be happy for his victories. That's why only Shindo is rude enough in this day and age to speak nothing of congratulations-- rather, he takes the black goke from Touya Meijin and takes the white goke as well, and recreates the final match and points out every single supposed mistake. He does it by himself, abruptly, angrily, not wanting Touya Meijin's opinion.

Throughout, Shindo is abused by the salon patrons. They seem to be under the impression that Shindo is still the kind of person they can appropriately make humble by comparing him to Touya Meijin. In truth, it is no longer appropriate in the least-- Shindo's record is nothing short of astronomical --but the heavy shadow of forfeit games, of two straight losses in his first international tournament, even from 5 years ago, is hard to shake. (And also, Shindo has the unfortunate tendency very lately to lose only the games that matter, so much so that his domination of other games goes completely unnoticed by amateurs.)

At last Shindo seems ready to fight back or run away (running away being his modus operandi when it comes to social matters, of course, but this is both a social matter and a matter of Go, so the lines get a little blurred). Touya Meijin runs damage control by asking Shindo politely for a game and, equally politely, he asks the crowd to please return to their games. For some reason this irritates Shindo more, but he stays and everyone settles back at their tables.

Touya Meijin studies Shindo as they nigiri while Shindo hotly studies the lines of the goban. Is this temper because of Shindo's trip to Korea? Shindo has never really gotten along with any of the Korean players he's run up against. (After their match in the Meijin tournament, though, Shindo had smirked and thanked Touya for beating him, saying that it freed his schedule for the trip. Touya had coolly welcomed him.)

(The truth is that Shindo's losing streak has forced them farther and farther apart over the past year. Shindo lives in a haze of dissatisfaction nowadays that Korea absolutely did nothing to abate. Touya Meijin feels-- and he doesn't want to say anything, doesn't want to acknowledge it-- that he might be losing this person. )

(But no, no. Have faith. Trust him. Give him another chance, Shindo always deserves every chance--.)

Upon Shindo's return, Touya Meijin had called and invited him for a game today, hoping to see the fruits of his study in Korea-- and he gets it: Shindo plays a new hand, a hand Touya Meijin would not have expected from him. But then, it is unwise, he knows from eight tortuous years, to expect anything of Shindo. Expect something of him and you will be disappointed; trust him and be blind, and he will lead you to brilliance. So Touya Meijin follows the path Shindo lays, knowing it will be a good one, and when Shindo makes it clear that he wants this match to be a serious one, Touya Meijin lets it be.

The game lasts for good hours; people arrive, people watch, people leave. Even when they watch, they cannot grasp Shindo's genius. Even though they don't exactly mesh, his new hands are harsh and sharp and powerful. The onlookers can only tell that Shindo is greater than them, but how great is lost to everyone but Touya Meijin.

The restaurant downstairs fills with customers. The old men go back home. Ichikawa leaves the keys with Touya Meijin.

Eventually the salon is utterly devoid of all localities except the snap of stone on goban and the crinkling shuffle inside the goke. There is no cigarette smoke; the door does not whoosh open and closed; there is no chatter; there is no scrap of chair against floor. There is the dim buzz of the florescent lighting overhead and the distant din of the crowd several stories below, but these sounds are not intrusive, merely melting into the ambiance of the Go salon. Shuff, pachi, sigh. Then grumble, hum, whoosh, the sounds of the city like a quiet background song.

Something changes. Something shifts and some hurricane quiets.

In this night, only Shindo exists for Touya Meijin, and only Touya Meijin exists for Shindo. The two Go players stay into the night, without speech. Their hands talk instead.

***

Later they sit side by side on a bench, jacketed lightly against the breeze that runs through and makes minute tangles in Touya's hair. Shindo scarfs down a cheap convenience-store bento, a beer cracked open at his feet and several more empty cans tossed into the nearby trashcan. Touya picks at his own bento idly, finding it not to his admittedly spoiled taste. He doesn't so much as protest a single peep when Shindo rudely reaches over with his own chopsticks and combs and steals all the 'good' pieces from Touya's late-night dinner.

Cars pass by and the occasional drunken business man. At some point a group of hoodlums appear and yell about how they look so sweet sitting there and sharing bentos, aww, but Shindo and Touya ignore their existence with considerable dignity, and eventually they pass on as well. Left when they are gone are only crickets from the patches of grass in the park across the street and the irritable flapping of a lonely, lost plastic bag stuck in a tree.

Shindo gulps down the rest of his beer and crushes the can with his booted foot. The sound is ugly and loud and Shindo chases it with a hardly suppressed burp. It clangs even louder when he basketball-shoots the disc into the trashcan. Touya delicately takes the empty bento perched on Shindo's knee and his own and, standing, gently lowers them to the trash. Shindo sighs, leans back, and cracks open his last.

(Shindo has steadily increased his alcohol consumption since the beginning of his losing streak. It's hard to run into him completely sober anymore.)

He hums a little tune between sips.

Touya feels-- or doesn't feel-- or someplace in between feeling and not feeling-- Really he can't be bothered to pay attention to whether or not he feels any emotions at this point. He's more preoccupied with the way Shindo's calloused fingers slowly but surely dent this last can, with the crinkling clank it makes, with the soft scraping of leaf against leaf in the darkness beyond the orange street lamp. Somewhere overhead an airplane moves the air.

He can't remember who lost and who won the game they finished an hour ago.

***

In silence they make it to the door of Shindo's cheap little apartment that Shindo hardly ever invites anyone to. It perplexes Touya even now, because Shindo could afford so much better. Shindo said, though, once, that there is something special about not having a real home, about going everywhere else because it is better than staying at the place you supposedly live. He'd said this in front of the old Touya Meijin, the new Touya Meijin's father, and the man had smiled--

(it hurt the son so badly that he didn't speak to Shindo for a few days).

Right now, though, as Shindo unlocks the door and they shuffle in-- as Touya's rump bumps into Shindo's hip when he bends over to take off his shoes and Shindo is still locking the door all over again-- as they shuffle into the kitchen and Shindo pops open the pantry and brings down a large plastic bottle of whiskey--

This feels much more like home than Touya's own apartment.

Shindo hums a little tune and pours the whiskey over ice into a tall glass, up and up, and finally caps the bottle with a merry little twist. He makes a show of pouring in coke, too, but the drink is more than half alcohol. He stirs it with his finger and then dips it into his mouth.

Touya excuses himself and slides past Shindo. The front of his body rubs against Shindo's entire back as he goes. Touya must tilt his hips to get around Shindo's butt. They pretend to think nothing of it but Touya waits in the room off the kitchen and watches Shindo down his drink. He stops halfway and breaks a loud sigh.

Touya accepts graciously when Shindo holds out the last half of the drink. He takes the drinking slowly, eyes watering, nowhere near as tolerant as Shindo. (But Shindo wobbles a little as he scoots into the main room as well and fishes a pack of cigarettes from a pair of jeans in the laundry hamper.) Touya huffs and shakes his head like a dog drenched, then goes back to the drink, determined; Shindo opens the window and lights up his cigarette. (Even for people used to the haze of a Go salon, the apartment is much too small to pollute.)

Touya finishes and the ice cubes swish and clink pleasantly. He makes another, like how Shindo likes it, and hands it over. Shindo tips the drink into his mouth with one hand and holds the smoldering cigarette aloft with the other. They wait for the drink to be gone. Touya busies himself with thinking of absolutely nothing, of thinking about the game but not its outcome, just the sounds of it and the patterns of it and the colors of it. He thinks of it not as a game but as a happening, an indicator of right here and now, something occurring in the present with a meaning yet to be divined.

This drink Shindo finishes himself and he puts out the stub of his cigarette on the ice. He stumbles into the kitchen and deposits the empty glass into the sink, then stumbles back and closes the window. This time he also blocks it off-- he's got a sheet of composite wood that he risks splinters to fit into the window. The very existence of this sheet of composite wood, the purpose of which is to block the view into the apartment, has always vexed Touya. Just get blinds, he used to say, but Shindo seems unwilling to spend any sort of money on this place. It blocks the sound better, Shindo would say, and what they are about to do requires no sound escape.

Shindo turns and places his hand on Touya's shoulder. Touya licks his lips and turns, too. Shindo's alcohol-breath is sharp and curling, like a fine blade tickling Touya's senses. His cheeks are red as well as he curls his hand in Touya's shirt and pulls it away from Touya's neck. Shindo blinks wet eyes at the line of Touya's throat.

Touya feels his own breath escape his mouth, his own lips tingling with the sensation. He meets Shindo's eyes and sees his own reflected, and in that reflection is the reflection of Shindo, and after that it is lost to darkness, the same darkness where the game is playing, where his emotions and his sensibilities and all coherent thought vanished to hours and hours ago.

The apartment is dim, only the kitchen light on, the one over the sink. The water rushes through the pipes after someone upstairs turns on a faucet. Another neighbor drops something heavy and they hear the thump. And then there is the wet smack of Shindo's lips and tongue as he finally lowers his head and mouths Touya's neck. Touya gasps.

"Akira," Shindo growls against his skin. Akira trembles and shuffles forward until their bodies are flush together. Akira? Who is Akira? (Right now Akira is only part of their game.)

Akira removes their jackets and folds them over the breakfast table in the corner of the kitchen. Hikaru pulls him back, runs his hands under Akira's shirt. Akira presses a wet, sloppy kiss to Hikaru's jaw. Akira makes another loud noise when both of their shirts are gone and he feels such intense skin-on-skin contact for the first time. Hikaru's arms are thick and sure as they wrap around him.

Hikaru has a double futon, which should really clue Akira in, but right now it is only convenient. It just happens to be there, like in a dream, perfect for the situation, and Hikaru's hands shake just slightly in impatience as he rolls it out. Akira kneels down on it but Hikaru stands back up and looks for something in the closet.

Akira can't tell if he's nervous or not. He doesn't even have the presence of mind to question his actions. Hikaru's Go has put him in a trance. Things happen, and they happen-- inexplicably, without reason. A natural progression. Classical joseki. The correct response to Hikaru's hands.

A bottle drops beside Akira, and then a square wrapper. Akira just looks up and watches Hikaru divest himself of his jeans. He kneels then, too, and guides Akira gently. Without words, Akira ends up on his back, arms held open, clutching Hikaru so close to his body that he can't even watch, he can only stare at the ceiling and feel.

Hikaru, oddly considerate, makes it hurt as less as possible. Akira still grunts and groans, and the pain threatens to rend his haze, but then it's just-- better-- and Akira is--

"Hikaru...!"

Hikaru is warm; Hikaru is heavy; Hikaru sweats finely and causes Touya to sweat too; Hikaru's hair is soft against his cheek and neck and shoulder. And Hikaru is much quieter than Akira, especially when it comes to orgasm. Akira lets out a choked argh while Hikaru just hums, a deep mmm.

They wait until after sex to kiss on the lips: a lazy, content, well-exercised passion. The smacking their lips make is louder even than the slap of their hips had been. They close their eyes.

Then Shindo disposes of his condom efficiently, turning off the light while he's up, and Touya sighs and hunkers down. He lets Shindo unfold the blanket over them, too stiff to move himself. Then Shindo hooks their feet together and falls instantly asleep.

Touya, on the other hand, is not tired right after. His mind is too full of white noise, of hands in Go and the lingering feel of Hikaru's body. He stares at the ceiling and listens to the sounds and watches the darkness. He catches every single shuffle of Shindo's body in the cheap cotton futon. Every breath that leaves his nose. Every twitch of his beautiful, calloused fingers.

(Victory, victory. A victory for Touya Akira, the Meijin. You win.)

But Akira thinks, finally dozing, a thought forgotten by morning,

(What are the point values?)

***

Touya's cell phone alarm wakes him promptly at seven. He groans and curses his resolve to always wake early and drags himself painfully from bed.

All of a sudden, the gears that had been paused start again to clink and grind. Touya's ass hurts, this apartment smells like alcohol, there is a cheap-ass piece of wood on the window, and he is disastrously hungry. He has the keys to the Igo Salon, he just lost his virginity to another man, not just any man, but to Shindo Hikaru (6-Dan), with absolutely no warning or prelude (except for one beautiful game, oh god, now he's remembering, that was a mind-blowing game, a game the winner was--).

He doesn't have a toothbrush here but Shindo has mouthwash and a roll of floss so that will have to do. He uses Shindo's face wash that leaves him smelling like Shindo. He uses Shindo's comb after inspecting it for stray clumps of bleach, knowing full well by the strong smell that Shindo refreshed his hair yesterday. (One time at a hotel when they happened to share the same room, Touya had borrowed Shindo's comb without inspecting it-- Touya still has not grown out the little white patch that he has to very carefully hide under other parts of his hair.)

Touya does not want to dress in yesterday's clothes. He finds something in Shindo's closet that fits him reasonably well with a belt and doesn't absolutely scream 'I fucked Shindo last night, here are his clothes'. (That is to say, the shirt is not an ungodly shade of yellow and there are no fives anywhere.)

Shindo opens his eyes at some point and Touya waits until he is mostly awake to remove the composite sheet from the window. Immediately the apartment is flooded with light and a single birdsong. Shindo is apparently, however, the king of not getting hangovers, and it doesn't even faze him.

Shindo is, in fact, unfazed by all of these proceedings, with the slight exceptions of a sort of satisfied smile, and he prepares them a breakfast of pancakes-- the kind he makes from a box of powder, and he works with his little humming tune. Touya chooses not to complain today (though he would have preferred a proper Japanese breakfast) and even lets Shindo steal a syrup-flavored kiss. Actually it's less of a steal and more of Touya melting like butter into Shindo-- real butter, not the margarine Shindo uses on pancakes. But eventually they must break apart because Touya has to open for Ichikawa.

(Victory, dammit. Victory for Shindo 6-Dan, victory quite complete. Oh well. Touya supposes that it is a reward for such an excellent game last night.)

"Akira."

Akira turns after unlocking the door, jacket under one arm. Hikaru, he thinks, looks rather handsome, slumped in his chair, boxer-and-tshirt-clad, hair rumpled. Crooked smile in sunlight.

"Have a nice day, and congrats on Meijin."

Akira nods. He leaves with the key still stuck in the door.

***

Touya Meijin's hurricane starts again.

Keima, tsuke, Shindo Hikaru, Ichiryu won this time, hane, Shindo Hikaru's whiskey, Nagoya, China, Igo Salon, Shindo Hikaru's Go-calloused fingers, Serizawa is a tough opponent, shidougo, conventions, Shindo Hikaru's hot tongue--

There is not a moment in Touya Meijin's schedule that is not full. He doesn't face Shindo again in a long, long time, but as always he keeps his ear out and hears the phrase 'Shindo revived' quite often.

The next time he properly faces Shindo is when Shindo is challenging him for Meijin.

Shindo wins.

Victory, victory. Victory for Shindo Meijin.

***

That night they play again until another day starts, and they pour Shindo's damn whiskey down the drain, and the hurricane stops. Classical joseki. The correct response to hands played.

Without thought Akira says, "Do you want to live with me?"

"Alright," Hikaru sighs, smile crooked, and he pushes Akira on his back.

Their game is now a happening-- it's not a mysterious happenstance from the past nor a murky prediction of the future. It is now, and natural, and Akira and Hikaru are both alive. Catch the elusive win.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPad.

Comments

[shirogiku.livejournal.com]

Ahaha, Akira’s Dad is the usual. What is an attachment? And of course Akira had been anxious over nothing.

I like that you call him Toya Meijin in the beginning, it’s like “Zero”, the title takes over the person. Maybe, that’s a part of their new distance and what makes Hikaru angry, even if Akira doesn’t see it that way. And then you switch to Akira in just the right moment)))

Expect something of him and you will be disappointed; trust him and be blind, and he will lead you to brilliance, yeah, that’s our Hikaru ♥

I like details like this: Touya picks at his own bento idly, finding it not to his admittedly spoiled taste. He doesn't so much as protest a single peep when Shindo rudely reaches over with his own chopsticks and combs and steals all the 'good' pieces from Touya's late-night dinner.

he meets Shindo's eyes and sees his own reflected, and in that reflection is the reflection of Shindo, and after that it is lost to darkness, the same darkness where the game is playing, where his emotions and his sensibilities and all coherent thought vanished to hours and hours ago.- I think this is a pretty image.

I’ve also noticed how the game flows into intimacy like it's a natural thing. I think it really works for those two:

Akira can't tell if he's nervous or not. He doesn't even have the presence of mind to question his actions. Hikaru's Go has put him in a trance. Things happen, and they happen-- inexplicably, without reason. A natural progression. Classical joseki. The correct response to Hikaru's hands.

There are constant bottles and object dropping, and all kind of interfering noises. It seems that while the reader notices them, Akira doesn’t – he’s in his “trance”.

I find the mental picture of Akira hiding a bleached patch highly amusing.

real butter, not the margarine Shindo uses on pancakes. Akira, you're so refinedXD

You know, I haven't had any problem with the style in terms of reading, it's quite enjoyable.

But in terms of plot I feel as though something isn't not missing, but isn't connecting? isn't clicking together?

Maybe, it's Hikaru? He's lol too young to drink, then he makes his move, then he's the new Meijin. It's a bit abrupt, idk. Maybe, you meant it this way. But really, I recognize Akira's descriptions of Hikaru as Hikaru and his feeling, not feelings and all in between. But Hikaru himself?

He's almost a decoration at this point.

I'm not making any sense, am I?

I hope someone else says something coherent instead.

But, you know, reading HnG fic from you is a real treat<3 I hope you find a way to overcome the writer's block.

[rex-sun.livejournal.com]

No, no, you do make sense, and thank you very much! ...okay, well, one of your sentences was a little weird, BUT I THINK I KNOW WHAT YOU MEANT ANYWAY L-LOL. ;;;;

So you're saying that, as a reader, you don't understand enough about Hikaru's emotions to understand his actions, and thus his actions come out as rather abrupt?

Rereading, I can see this. Perhaps I should illustrate the scenes about Shindo's losing streak? To show his frustration, his anger, the two of them drifting apart... His frustration and anger at the fact that they are, in fact, drifting apart? XD ;;

There was more I could have done here... I resigned too soon! I posted it too soon. But it doesn't seem like it, lol, I've literally been working on this tiny little thing for like, a week. )X

I'm trying to use more narration as opposed to dialogue in this style. So it shouldn't be a difficult read, just... A lot more doing than saying. Does it come across as extraneous? Do you think the details are unnecessary or do they strike the mood well? Is it more boring than my usual dialogue-style?

As a side note: Hikaru is of legal age to drink. He's between 21 and 22 here, and the legal drinking age in Japan is 20. (Also, they are apparently very tolerant and accepting of public intoxication.)

[shirogiku.livejournal.com]

Lol, sorry for the weirdness, my brain is on vacation orz

It's a miracle, but you did get the message in spite of it.

Yes, I agree that the drifting apart should get a bit more attention. If it's "Hurricane Quiets", then we need that hurricane, right?

I've always liked your dialogs, but I love detailed fics too. It didn't seem boring at all, I think every beer can and whiskey bottle were in the right places.

Oh, I should have expressed it better - it's not that he's not of legal age - it's that for me it's the prerogative of middle-aged men to drown their sorrows in alcohol. When a 21 y.o. does that it's somehow more disappointing. Burnt too fast or something, which might be the case, since he started very young. It's just my perspective, not a critique. It's not like he'd become an alcoholicXD

[rex-sun.livejournal.com]

Okay... I know how to fix it now. Starts out too calmly, not enough Hikaru. okay. Awesome! Thank you so much, Shiro my love! (:

[shirogiku.livejournal.com]

now I want to read more HnG fic once again. /wistful

You know, I kinda blisfully forgot that Hikaru wasn't always a shameless ball of sunshine with a foot stuck in deep in his mouth (weird mental images UNINTENDED). He did have his moments of negativity.

sleeping with Akira is obviously THE solution y/y?

[rex-sun.livejournal.com]

Hikaru is really quite emotional. For all that he is, indeed, happy and upbeat and sunny, there is an equivalent amount of depression or frustration to go with it.

I had fun collecting a list:

http://www.mangareader.net/206-13831-14/hikaru-no-go/chapter-11.html

http://www.mangareader.net/206-13846-14/hikaru-no-go/chapter-26.html

http://www.mangareader.net/206-13857-11/hikaru-no-go/chapter-37.html

http://www.mangareader.net/206-13865-21/hikaru-no-go/chapter-45.html

http://www.mangareader.net/206-13873-7/hikaru-no-go/chapter-53.html

http://www.mangareader.net/206-13873-18/hikaru-no-go/chapter-53.html

http://www.mangareader.net/206-13903-19/hikaru-no-go/chapter-83.html

http://www.mangareader.net/206-13949-10/hikaru-no-go/chapter-129.html

http://www.mangareader.net/206-13956-19/hikaru-no-go/chapter-136.html

http://www.mangareader.net/206-13950-12/hikaru-no-go/chapter-130.html

http://www.mangareader.net/206-13959-19/hikaru-no-go/chapter-139.html

http://www.mangareader.net/206-14009-10/hikaru-no-go/chapter-189.html


I've got a tiny list of recs I was gonna put up soon as far as more fic goes. Idk, you might have read them already. I just put up stuff I really like, no matter how old. :P

Any acknowledgement from Akira is usually enough to cheer Hikaru up, actually...

[shirogiku.livejournal.com]

Well, of course I'm interested in more recs from you by default.

"Proof by contradiction" (and, to be fair, you commentaries on the manga too) was what motivated me to read HnG in the first place and it's absolutely gorgeous.

Since I always read manga online, I tend to skim through pages too fast, missing stuff, so afterwards I often have to go back. Heh.

btw

[shirogiku.livejournal.com]

on the first page, I love it how Sai tries to be a bit strict, but then Hikaru's teary eyes win him over ♥ Oh Sai, you softie.

"Hey Shindo, are you ever going to win?" LOL WAYA, SO HELPFUL.

Re: btw

[rex-sun.livejournal.com]

LOLOLOL Waya. Such a well-meaning asshole sometimes.

And yeah, HnG is a pretty fast read, I'd say. There are many many many pages of intense art but no dialogue and slow action. So it's a series you can zip right through.

...which I've done several times. Like, more than five. I venture to say HnG is my favorite series of all. It gives a good fight to Harry Potter for #1, anyway.

Re: btw

[shirogiku.livejournal.com]

By the way, what do you think about IzumixWaya pairing? I've noticed that it's second most popular.

Re: btw

[rex-sun.livejournal.com]

It's alright. I'll read it. I really really really like Isumi. But many Waya/Isumi fics are very cookie-cutter and typical romance, which I am not interested in. But Yang Hai/Isumi fics don't seem to be much better.

If you find any interesting Waya/Isumi, let me know!

...I think my favorite is Le Ping-->Isumi one-sided romance! XD THERE IS NOT ENOUGH LE PING FIC AROUND, THAT KID IS WAYYYY TOO ADORABLE TO BE LEGAL. ("Does Waya also have an outtie bellybutton?" *lifts shirt*)

lol lol I don't know this series at all ;-;

[transient-words.livejournal.com]

Why do you want me to criticise this? LOL. I admit I’m a picky reader: I don’t like too much description, and I don’t like too little. All in all, I have huge problems finding books I like because, usually, the prose pisses me off :/

Anyhow.

I like it the way you did it here: little details that fit into the bigger picture and create an atmosphere (I especially like that you use imagery that isn’t just pretty to read, but also *sounds* pretty – I liked your description of a late-night park).

Hmm. I do think that, at some point, when they were in the apartment, you got a little cluttered – but it might have just been my tiredness, so don’t pay this any heed. It wasn’t *heavy* because I actually stop reading pieces when they get too descriptive-happy.

I found the switching from surnames (?) to first names very clever in the sex scene. It made the whole thing more emotional. Also: I like that you didn’t make it too porny, but kept it very subtle. I felt it was more emotional like this.

I have to say I disagree on Hikaru not being fleshed out or being a decoration. I *actually* felt him quite keenly in this fic: you just didn’t spell it out. The fact that he drinks so heavily at his age, is a minimalist despite his affluence, and seems so *embittered* is very telling, and definitely characterises him.

And I definitely felt Akira in this piece.

Hmm. I can’t really comment more because … you know, not familiar with fandom. At all. I like the atmosphere, and I like how it’s written, so ... <3

Re: lol lol I don't know this series at all ;-;

[rex-sun.livejournal.com]

Aww, thanks so much for reading even if you don't know it! :D You're a pal!

As for Hikaru... It's difficult. His drinking and minimalism are certainly points I put in to underline his frustrated bitterness-- you picked up on it. I'm glad. But also, I think Shiro's right, too, because...

Well, er, when the series ends, Hikaru is 15 and lives with his parents. As a whole, his character in the series is not bitter. In fact he is remarkably un-bitter person, for someone who is often mocked or put down and who suffers a few crushing defeats.

However, he is prone at times to negativity. He struggles with his problems alone most of the time, keeps secrets from his friends and family, etc. He comes down with severe cases of depression and frustration in the series, but eventually pops back up and shows everyone his great ability.

So I do think that it could use a little more lead up. Hikaru is a top Go player; he is hit with one of his bouts of depression in this fic, but it would be ooc to say this is just how he is, even as a grown up. So I think showing up Hikaru's feelings a bit more wouldn't be bad, and even showing a bit more of Akira's intense attraction (lol canonical!) to him.

But I will also keep in mind that what I have done is not too subtle for readers to understand, just subtle enough. You showed me that. So when writing the new scenes, I will try to keep it on the same level as the ones here.

And despite what you say, I agree, the apartment scene, while not heavy exactly, could use a bit of a cleaning up.

And thanks for all the good things you had to say as well, LOL! XD My friend~