I admit I preferred your style best in the first three chapters. The content still remains wonderful, but I feel there's a lot more "telling" rather than "showing" later on, and that it just got a lot less subtle. --->Wow, thanks for pointing this out! I shall study the first three chapters when rewriting and see what happened. (I do think that the first three chapters were written many months ago, that I struggled with chapter four greatly, and of course I only now finished five and six. Hmm! Interesting!
I did think sometimes that the situation was made a little too obvious to her ---> [/wince] Yeah. I'm not sure of every moment you're referring to until I reread, but off the top of my head-- the phone call with Clovis, yeah? When writing that I was so at odds with myself. On one hand I have to balance what Shirley is capable of figuring out and on the other what the audience, with all their extra information, is capable of figuring out. Ah. I will have to get with someone when I edit and make sure they point everything out. Thanks, though!
And now for the positives!
Shirley was never one of my favorite characters but you just wrote her to a tee, and my sympathy as well as respect for her has dramatically increased since reading. ---> Ditto, anon. I was on the fence about her-- it didnt help that I found her voice incredibly irritating. On one hand I appreciated her loyalty, and I loved how much Lelouch came to feel for her. Then again, I have never liked jealous characters, and she wasn't very strong when personally attacked. But by writing through her, I came to appreciate her more. I picked her in the first place because I thought she would be an excellent medium for a mystery story-- closer than most, but not close enough.
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carisma_sensei
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Date: 2011-09-28 03:31 pm (UTC)I admit I preferred your style best in the first three chapters. The content still remains wonderful, but I feel there's a lot more "telling" rather than "showing" later on, and that it just got a lot less subtle.
--->Wow, thanks for pointing this out! I shall study the first three chapters when rewriting and see what happened. (I do think that the first three chapters were written many months ago, that I struggled with chapter four greatly, and of course I only now finished five and six. Hmm! Interesting!
I did think sometimes that the situation was made a little too obvious to her
---> [/wince] Yeah. I'm not sure of every moment you're referring to until I reread, but off the top of my head-- the phone call with Clovis, yeah? When writing that I was so at odds with myself. On one hand I have to balance what Shirley is capable of figuring out and on the other what the audience, with all their extra information, is capable of figuring out. Ah. I will have to get with someone when I edit and make sure they point everything out. Thanks, though!
And now for the positives!
Shirley was never one of my favorite characters but you just wrote her to a tee, and my sympathy as well as respect for her has dramatically increased since reading.
---> Ditto, anon. I was on the fence about her-- it didnt help that I found her voice incredibly irritating. On one hand I appreciated her loyalty, and I loved how much Lelouch came to feel for her. Then again, I have never liked jealous characters, and she wasn't very strong when personally attacked. But by writing through her, I came to appreciate her more. I picked her in the first place because I thought she would be an excellent medium for a mystery story-- closer than most, but not close enough.
Superb execution.
---> jkdfshkjdfskbjdsf thank you! #>w<#
HOPING FOR MORE CG FICS FROM YOU! :)
---> You can count on it! I'm working on another multi-parter now that Nothing in Yourself is done.
So eeeee thank you, anon! This comment has been very helpful! I appreciate it so much!