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rex_sunTitle: Nothing in Yourself
Rating: PG
Fandom: Code Geass
Characters: Shirley-pov. Lelouch, Suzaku.
Summary: (Kinkmeme request.) Shirley tries to understand Lelouch. She really, really tries. But as Suzaku says: Lelouch doesn't want to be liked. He doesn't even want to like. And Shirley has to wonder if either of her friends hold any kind of hope in their hearts at all.
Status: Part two, ongoing, incomplete. Unedited
Lelouch and Rivalz don't come back for the rest of the day's classes. Shirley wanders the grounds for a bit longer than she should considering the curfew, looking for Suzaku.
She spots him just as she is returning to the girls' dorm. He is walking side by side with Lelouch.
His butt looks pretty good in those skin tight jeans, but she just now figures out who it is that loaned them to Suzaku, and for some reason she feels slightly ashamed.
She doesn't call out to them and they eventually disappear into the darkness of the night without ever having noticed her. She avoids Suzaku for the next few days without really knowing why.
Unfortunately, she can't avoid him forever, because Suzaku has told her that she is one of his only friends. So one day she finds him in the gardens, bent over a patch of flowers. He looks up at her and swipes the sweat from his brow.
"Thanks for not telling," Suzaku says earnestly. "If anyone knew I was going with Lelouch, it could be big trouble."
Shirley considers him for a moment. She thinks about what it takes for two guys to share clothes. "Why?" she asks.
Suzaku shrugs, looking awkward. "You know. It's not so bad for students to stop and talk to me while I'm doing my work, like you do. Or well, they can't do anything because you're not breaking the rules. But if they knew I was with Lelouch while he skipped class... you know?"
"No," Shirley says, and she isn't lying, and this seems to make Suzaku uncomfortable. He mutters something about bad influences and trails off, searching for a way to change the subject. Shirley wants to talk about Lelouch. "I didn't know you were friends with him."
Suzaku's lips quirk. "I don't guess many people know anything about Lelouch."
This is true enough, but Shirley thought she knew something about Suzaku. Suzaku chances a brief glance into her eyes.
"You don't like him, do you?" Suzaku asks knowingly, and just a little bit slyly.
"Does he... does he talk about me behind my back?" Shirley asks indignantly.
Suzaku counters, "Do you talk about him behind his back?"
Shirley's mouth snaps shut, because she can't honestly deny that she's ever done such a thing.
Suzaku chuckles and says, "No. He hardly speaks about anyone."
Shirley translates this to mean that she isn't even on Lamperouge's radar.
“I’m sorry,” Shirley sighs. “I really don’t like him after all.”
Suzaku doesn’t seem at all bothered by this. “I didn’t like him at first either. It’s alright. You might never like him. I don’t think he wants people to like him.”
“What? Why not?” Shirley asks, eyebrows furrowed. Thoughts of Lamperouge only become increasingly frustrating with time. Suzaku wipes his hands on his work shorts, then grabs a handful of flowers and cuts them with his shears. He stands and hands them to Shirley, and she accepts without thinking.
He is sweating and she can smell it from here, but it isn’t an unpleasant sort of sweat like most boys their age. He also smells like dirt and sunshine. Also, even though it seems that his voice has already cracked, the strong legs sticking out from his shorts are hairless. She can tell because her face is on fire and she doesn’t want to look him in the eye, so she is looking down instead even as she clutches the flowers between her breasts.
“Because he doesn’t want to like anyone,” Suzaku says evenly. It takes Shirley a moment to remember what he’s talking about. She looks shyly back up at Suzaku.
“That’s... sad, I guess,” she says softly. Suzaku nods.
Apparently he agrees with her.
There’s still the matter of the project to consider, so Shirley texts Rivalz who texts Lelouch and they invite Rivalz to the clubhouse on Wednesday. Rivalz acts even goofier than usual around Milly, who looks at him like he’s a strange, fascinating creature making amusing but terrifying faces behind the glass at a zoo.
Lelouch says “wait” and leaves the council room, only to return less than five minutes later with white clothes. She’s a little stupefied-- how did he go to his dorm and back so quickly --until she realizes that the pants, at least, belong to Suzaku: she’s seen him wear a pair just like them when he’s doing work inside.
“Hey!” she says, offended on Suzaku’s behalf. “You went into Suzaku’s apartment?”
Lelouch gives her an expression that, on anyone else, should convey annoyance, but on him was a positive death glare.
“What are you saying?” he says, voice edged and raised. Milly raises her eyebrows and Rivalz gapes like a dumb fish. “Shirley... it isn’t polite to assume things, no matter the situation. I went into my apartment. I’m allowed to do that. Rivalz. Go change into these in the bathroom. We’ll draw while they’re on you so that everything lines up.”
Rivalz is completely dominated in this situation and accepts the clothes without a word. He is still bug-eyed as he leaves the council room.
Milly is the first one to react, because Shirley is being hit with a million mental bricks as she realizes the meaning of Lelouch’s words. “So. Lelouch does not, in fact, have nerves of steel.”
Lelouch is silent as he rummages in a drawer. He produces a marker labeled washable.
“Uhm--” Shirley starts.
“I live here, too,” Lelouch explains. “With Suzaku.”
“...not in the dorms?” Shirley asks.
“No,” he confirms. “Here in the clubhouse. I live with Suzaku.”
Rivalz returns, and Lelouch grabs him and begins to speak of the project. The tension eases the longer they focus on the drawing and labeling of ribs, and it helps when Rivalz turns out to be ticklish and bursts out laughing. At the end of the meeting, Shirley apologizes. Lelouch says nothing and leaves. This time Shirley watches him go.
He does not descend the main steps, as the President does. Lelouch turns a corner and follows a hallway all the way back, and unlocks a door with a key.
Shirley doesn’t know how to bring the subject up with Suzaku, or even if she should, and so she doesn’t. When she next sees him, she keeps the mood light and airy, and he doesn’t seem to notice anything different. On Friday morning, though, as Shirley lays back in her bed and lets the alarm buzz, she realizes that she has been allowing Lelouch’s snit-fit of Wednesday to control her up until now.
That’s it. No more. She won’t spend another day tiptoeing on eggshells around either Lelouch or Suzaku! She hits the buzzer and jumps out of bed-- then immediately regrets doing so and falls back to her blankets.
“Get up, Shirley,” says Sophie exasperatedly.
“Nooo, five more minutes...”
Shirley catches Rivalz in the class before lunch and somehow manages to convince him to eat lunch with her. She says to talk about the project, and he agrees, but as they both sit there, staring at each other and chewing slowly, Shirley figures out that they are both using each other. It feels a little bad, but if he doesn’t mind, then she won’t mind.
“Rivalz, have you always been Lelouch’s friend?”
Rivalz shakes his head and moves his food to his cheek in order to talk. “No, I didn’t even know the guy existed in middle school. I only just met him at the beginning of high school. I haven’t been friends with him for long.”
Shirley shifts. “And you... well. Why do you like him?” She feels guilty for putting it that way.
Rivalz doesn’t seem too offended, though. “He’s cool.”
“...I don’t see it.”
Rivalz laughs and proceeds to tell her a story about Lelouch. He says that he was gambling against a nobleman-- and Shirley was shocked enough at this point, never considering that one of her classmates would engage in illegal activities and then admit to it so blatantly --and then Lelouch came in just as Rivalz was losing. Apparently Lelouch saved Rivalz from a horrible debt and made a fool out of the nobleman.
“So he’s a gambler. And he likes to humiliate people,” Shirley accuses.
Rivalz shrugs again, not bothered by this assessment. “Yeah, sure. Well. Noblemen. Lelouch really hates noblemen. I haven’t seen him humiliate anyone else. Plus, he saved me. So, yeah. He’s pretty cool.” Rivalz chews his food for a second and thinks. “And uhm. Well. He’s not such a bad guy, you know. It’s not just that he’s cool, I mean.”
“I’ve never seen him be nice,” Shirley says.
“Well, I don’t know about nice, really. I guess he’s a nice jerk. Like, here.” Rivalz tilts the box he is eating out of forward. It’s shrimp and broccoli in sauce, with a lot of rice on the side. “He made this for me.”
Shirley drops her plastic fork and has to catch it before it slides off her lap and into the grass. “He... made you lunch?”
Rivalz seems to catch on to what he has said and his ears get a little red. Defensively, he pulls his lunchbox back and says, “That’s just the kind of guy he is! He’s not nice about it, and it’s not like he made it specially for me. I was just, you know, visiting and he shoved it at me and said it was leftovers he needed to get rid of.”
Shirley hums and goes back to eating her salad. She lets Rivalz ask her about Milly for the rest of the lunch period, because they have spent enough time thinking about Lelouch.
Milly figures out what Shirley did and has the gall to laugh at her the next time they’re in the same room.
“I thought you hated Lelouch,” Milly chuckles out.
“I do!” Shirley says. “What gave you the idea that I don’t! He’s a jerk! Even his friends admit it!”
Milly laughs some more and shushes her with hand waves and hugs.
It isn’t until much later, as they sit side by side and watch the clouds drift over the balcony of the clubhouse-- of Lelouch and Suzaku’s home --that Milly sighs. She looks very solemn as she says, “It’s almost like some sort of fairytale, isn’t it? The mysterious, handsome stranger?”
Shirley blushes. There isn’t anything wrong in liking fairytales, she thinks, but Milly seems to think otherwise. The older girl never takes her eyes off the clouds.
“But things don’t work that way, unfortunately.”
Shirley rests her hand on Milly’s, and her friend flips her hand so that their palms are touching. They smile at each other, but Milly seems a little sad. Shirley stays with Milly until the girl heads on home, but Shirley lingers a bit herself there on the balcony, feeling a little like an intruder and a little like a guest. The sun doesn’t set until nine at night.
That weekend, Shirley wakes up when she pleases, and by that time it’s too late for breakfast and Sophie is gone. Lazily stretching in bed, Shirley spies the vase on her desk; the flowers have finally given it up, and have wilted in the pot she made in art two years ago.
Shirley checks her mail and finds a letter from her father. Enclosed are two tickets to the theatre.
Shirley knows just who to take, and shows up on his doorstep somewhere around ten. Well. She supposes it could be considered his doorstep, but the doors to the clubhouse aren’t locked. She steps inside and calls out a hello that merely bounces back to her, ringing in the uncharacteristic emptiness of the place.
She ascends the main staircase and finds the hallway that Lelouch turned down on Wednesday. She follows it as he did to the very back, where a door that is practically indistinguishable from those around it stands closed. She fluffs her skirt quickly, runs a hand through her hair, and knocks on the door.
She stands there for a few minutes, wondering if anyone is home, wondering if the knock was loud enough, wondering if they saw her coming up and decided not to answer-- until finally the door swings forward to Lelouch, who looks surprised. The expression is faintly adorable. Shirley smiles at him.
“Hi there,” she says cheerily. “Uhm, is Suzaku home?”
Lelouch hesitates and Shirley watches his features go back under the iron rule of his usual emotionless facade. “Yes,” he says and steps back. “Come in.”
The apartment is clean, and it smells very nice. It’s pretty spacious for two teenagers. Lelouch leads her past the dining room, where the most delicious scent is wafting, and into the living room, where Suzaku is sitting at a table, hunched over a book and some papers.
“You have a visitor,” Lelouch calls.
Suzaku’s head whips up and, upon seeing Shirley, splits into a smile. “Hi!” he says. “Why are you here?”
“Just visiting,” Shirley says a little breathlessly, because Suzaku looks very handsome at that moment, and she’d already decided this was nothing resembling a date or anything of the sort.
Lelouch moves to Suzaku’s side and sits in the chair next to him. He doesn’t speak as he reads the paper that Suzaku had been writing on, picks up a red pen, and starts marking it. Suzaku drags his eyes away from Shirley for just a moment to watch Lelouch’s markings. Lelouch nods once, sets the paper down, and then goes back to the dining room.
“Oh, er, sit down,” Suzaku says, gesturing to a sofa. Shirley shakes her head.
“I just wanted to ask-- do you like the theatre?”
Suzaku looks at her, innocent as a five year old, and says, “I’ve only been to Britannian theatre once, why?”
Shirley smiles at his adorableness. “You see, my father works far away, but he sometimes sends me stuff like this to cheer me up--”
She takes the envelope out of her purse and withdraws one of the tickets. He takes it from her as soon as she extends it. He is beginning to blush as he reads it, which makes Shirley blush.
“--oh, uhm, please... don’t misunderstand. Not like, a date thing, just a, you know... a friend thing, because--” because she doesn’t think Elevens are allowed into the theatre without company “--well, I never see you take a break from work, I mean, you’re studying even on the weekend, so...”
Suzaku seems to accept this and goes back to beaming at her. “I see. Thank you very much for thinking of me!” He gives her a small bow. “I couldn’t possibly accept this, though, it’s too kind.”
A little taken aback, Shirley flushes and says, “What, are you sure? I really... well, you’re the first person I thought of to go.”
Suzaku shakes his head with a smile. “Really, you don’t have to--”
“Don’t mind him, Shirley,” Lelouch cuts in abruptly as he slinks back into the room. Shirley bristles; he’s been eavesdropping this entire time! It’s not like Shirley would mind if he were listening, but to pretend to go to another room whilst actually focusing on them was.... But Lelouch continues, “He’s unused to receiving gifts from Britannians, and so all he knows is Japanese customs.”
Suzaku huffs. “What did I do wrong?”
Lelouch looks a little bit amused-- or is that just a trick in Shirley’s eye? “If a girl asks you out, dolt, even on something that isn’t a date, you’re supposed to agree the first time, readily. Don‘t treat it like a gift you have to refuse. You won‘t look greedy if you accept the first time.”
Suzaku sticks his tongue out, sensing there is no need to be formal. “And what do you know? You never say yes to the girls who ask you out.”
“Because I don’t--”
“Lelouch, you never get out of the house either. You should go on a date with a girl. I think if you tried it, you’d enjoy it. It isn’t like pulling teeth, you know,” Suzaku says, and there’s a mischievous glint in his narrow eyes. Shirley hides her giggles behind her hand.
Lelouch’s pale cheeks color slightly. “I’m perfectly fine where I am, thank you,” he says icily, but the effect is ruined by his spreading blush.
“Are you scared of girls?” Suzaku prods.
“Scared!” Lelouch hisses in indignation. “Suzaku--”
Shirley can’t help but to feel a little exhilarated. Suzaku is the king of riling up Lelouch! Shirley has never seen so many reactions from the cold boy in the entire few months she’s known him!
“Well, if you’re not scared of girls, and Shirley says it isn’t a date, then why don’t we get a ticket for you as well, Lelouch?”
Shirley’s smile freezes in place and she looks at Suzaku quickly. The Eleven boy doesn’t even have the decency to look embarrassed or ashamed for forcing such an unlikable person on Shirley. Instead he looks very determined and... feisty, something she never would have expected from Suzaku, the gentle, quiet Eleven.
“Or,” Suzaku pushes, “is it something else you’re afraid of?”
Lelouch looks absolutely flabbergasted but also angry and offended. Shirley backs away, because it sort of looks like the entire situation is about to explode, but Lelouch ends up scoffing-- quite loudly, an ‘ugh!’ or epic proportions --and marches across the living room, disappearing into a hallway that Shirley can only guess must belong to the bedrooms.
Things turn very awkward between Shirley and Suzaku, and stay awkward until he shows her to the door about ten minutes later.
“Shirley,” he whispers, sounding like a little boy. When she turns around, he finally looks guilty. He says, “I’m sorry about that. If you don’t want him to go...”
“Well,” Shirley says, hating being put on the spot like this. “You and I are friends after all... but, Suzaku, why--”
“Because I--”
...Suzaku had been about to respond, about to say the truth; Shirley can see that raw truth in his eyes. But he stops, and swallows it down, and it only confuses Shirley. Why? Why why why?
“Ah, just because... I worry about him, you know?” Suzaku says at last. They look at each other with hesitation, until Suzaku finally steers her out into the hallway. He closes the door to the apartment behind them, and then motions Shirley to follow him. Wary but intrigued, Shirley follows him into the break room.
“Suzaku?” she asks.
“I know he’s a jerk, Shirley, I know I know I know. I knew him when we were kids, I grew up with him, he’s always been like this. Okay, not always.” His eyes glance upward as if trying to remember something, and then he sighs and shakes his head. “But almost always. I know he’s difficult, actually, I hated him when we first met, and I hated him for a long time after that. But I... he’s my friend now. He’s my best friend.”
Shirley stares at him, lips pursed but sympathetic. Suzaku is rubbing his forehead, but Shirley still doesn’t know what he’s getting at.
“I really care about him,” Suzaku admits lowly. “He’s not an entirely bad person. He, uhm, this isn’t an excuse for him being rude to anyone, but... bad things have happened to him, you know? And I just want to show him that, uh. That life doesn’t just-- end.”
There’s a strange look on Suzaku’s face as he says that, but his head is tilted downward.
“So, if he could come with us, that is, if he wants to, I’d be happy. Because it’s hard enough to get him to leave the house for school or gambling. I’d like to see him make friends, too. If I can, he can. I’d like to see him out and about. Shirley, do you know what I’m talking about?”
Shirley takes a deep, shuddering breath, nods, and hugs Suzaku. Tenderly.
Shirley is restless for the rest of the day. She only agreed because Suzaku is her friend and she doesn’t want to hurt his feelings by shunning someone so dear to him; but she honestly cannot see this good side that Rivalz and Suzaku speak of. As far as Shirley can see, he’s lazy, vicious, and fake, through and through.
But, she sighs to herself, perhaps Suzaku is right, and exposing Lelouch to things like friendship will soften him some. She tries her best not to be negative or spiteful and for the most part manages to convince herself that the outing will be alright.
In her bed that night, she finds herself caught up wondering what the boys are doing to prepare. Has Suzaku managed to convince Lelouch yet? It’s hard even for her to picture, but she thinks about Suzaku and Lelouch possibly engaged in a shouting match this very moment. Or maybe Suzaku persuaded him gently, or maybe there was blackmail involved, or...
And what about clothes...? Suzaku seems to only own work clothes. Will he borrow some of Lelouch’s clothes again? Will they go... shopping?!
(“Lelouch, what do you think?” - “It’s orange.” - “Yeah, does it look good?” - “...Suzaku, it’s orange.” - “Okay, fine, what about--”)
Shirley flops around in bed, mind buzzing too much to be able to fall asleep.
On Sunday around noon, Shirley waits by the main gates, as agreed. She gets more and more worried as time goes on and Suzaku doesn’t show up, not to mention hungry.
Just as she figures she might as well cross the yards and visit the clubhouse, she hears her name carried to her on the breeze. “Shirley~”
When she turns around, it is Suzaku jogging towards her, waving one arm and dressed nicely for once, a broad grin on his face... and Lelouch is trailing behind him at a much slower pace.
Shirley beams at them both. “Hi, Suzaku. Ready to go?” He nods in barely constrained enthusiasm, and it warms Shirley’s chest; she’s almost never seen him so pleased. She leans around him as Lelouch finally catches up. “Hi, Lelouch!”
Lelouch stares at her for a beat, stance regal and poised. “Hello.”
She can’t help but notice: Lelouch is wearing jeans and a long-sleeved, black shirt, despite the intense heat that hangs over the land. He must be extremely conservative, Shirley decides, or shy. Lean guys like him tend to be self-conscious, she thinks.
The three of them go for lunch before the play, and honestly Lelouch isn’t half bad. Indeed, he is too subdued for Suzaku’s tastes, as Suzaku continuously nudges him or prompts him in conversations. Shirley tries to help her friend out by also making room to include Lelouch in conversations, but it doesn’t work very well.
Their failure is, of course, relative. To anyone else, it seems Lelouch is very engaged-- but then, it is always surprising to Shirley how many people fall for his fake smiles and cold politeness. He says one or two sentences, responding to the prompts fully and intelligently, but there is no connection in his eyes. He isn’t at all engaged.
Again, Shirley is struck by just how regal Lelouch is, sitting with perfect posture as he delicately cuts up his chicken and brings the tiniest bite to his mouth. He makes not a single sound while eating, doesn’t ever bite into a piece that’s too hot, doesn’t spill a single drop of his water, doesn’t fumble at any point for a basket of rolls. He is elegance defined.
Even Suzaku, whom she hadn’t expected to be all that civilized, is very practiced in his movements. The manager had asked them to take a seat outside so that Suzaku did not offend as many customers. Shirley hadn’t really thought about it, but Suzaku had told her with a smile that it was very reasonable, and asked Shirley to thank the manager for him. (“Thank her? Why?” - “For letting me eat here at all.”) Only Lelouch had seemed bothered by this, but it passed by his face quickly, and he shrugged off the hand that Suzaku had placed on his shoulder. Indeed, Suzaku is gracious and charming in everything he does.
It is a real shame he wasn’t born Britannian. If he was Britannian and Lelouch were not here, this would actually be an excellent date...
--Shirley blushes and is too quick with her fork. She, Suzaku, and Lelouch all wince when it scrapes across the plate.
The theatre is dark and cold, so very different from outside. Again, some official from the theatre comes forward, but this time, he asks Shirley to leave her Eleven outside.
Shirley shakes her head, bewildered and a little embarrassed on Suzaku’s behalf. “No, he’s not mine, he’s...” She points vaguely to Lelouch.
Shirley is not expecting it at all, and so is quite, quite startled-- so much so that she even jumps --at the absolutely hateful, venomous tone of Lelouch’s voice.
“The tickets are already paid for,” Lelouch hisses at the man, who also seems startled by Lelouch’s sudden passion.
“Yes, sir, but we have a strict policy here. We would be glad to refund you your money, but you can‘t bring your Eleven in here--”
“He isn’t mine,” Lelouch says, voice beginning to rise. Behind him, Suzaku looks very nervous. “He’s his own person, and he wants to watch the damn play.”
“Sir, unfortunately we’ve received complaints about his presence from some of our esteemed guests--”
Some of the others around them are shifting restlessly. (“Really!” - “What’s all the fuss about?” - “Get that Eleven out of here!”) Shirley holds up her hands and mouths ‘sorry’ to the other guests. Suzaku is tugging on Lelouch’s sleeve, but Lelouch won’t listen.
“Just let us sit down. There’ll be no harm in that,” Lelouch says, obviously suppressing his volume. “The lights will dim when it’s time for the show and your esteemed guests--” Lelouch practically spits the words out of his mouth “--won’t have to see him at all.”
“You will really have to leave now!” the manager says angrily.
In the end, there can be no fighting against the inevitable. By the time the play starts, the three of them are back outside in the harsh sunlight, only made harsher by the darkness they just came from. At least Shirley and Lelouch have gotten a refund, but Lelouch doesn’t seem calm yet. Rather, he is desperately clawing himself back to calmness, and Shirley has to step back and let him as Suzaku tries to sooth his friend.
“I’m sorry,” Suzaku says to Shirley. “This is all my fault--”
“--it isn’t!” Lelouch snaps, lip curled.
Shirley shakes her head and attempts a smile. “No, really, I think Lelouch is right,” she says quietly. “I don’t think it’s your fault. They could’ve at least asked us to sit in the back or something. In fact, I’m sorry for inviting you. I should’ve thought of this.”
Lelouch huffs and turns away from them, bracing himself on the nearby railing. Suzaku watches him hopelessly.
“I’m sorry it didn’t turn out the way you wanted,” Shirley whispers to him.
Suzaku is silent for a moment, then perks right back up. “Well, since we’re here and out and about, err... why don’t we go to a park?”
Shirley perks up along with him. “Hey, that’s a good idea! And ice cream, what about that!”
They give each other conspiratorial smiles and surge upon Lelouch, taking either arm and dragging him physically away from the theatre, deaf to his indignant protests.
It’s almost too hot to be outside, but the ice cream helps. Granted, they all have to lick their hands or the sides of the cones once or twice to keep their clothes from getting ruined. Shirley looks over at the two boys sitting next to her on the shaded bench and giggles. Suzaku gives her an adorably confused look.
“Our ice cream,” she says before he can ask. “Lelouch has vanilla. You have chocolate. I have strawberry. It fits, don’t you think?”
Suzaku takes a minute to process that and then laughs, nodding and nudging Lelouch. Lelouch is as pale as the vanilla running down his hand. He snorts and smiles a little, but the smile melts away. He really is just like ice cream. Cold.
At some point, Suzaku leaves them, running full speed across the park, and comes back ten minutes later with a cheap ball he bought with Lelouch’s money at a nearby shop. Shirley and he play for a long time, and even some other Elevens join in as they pass. Lelouch stays in the shadows, rubbing the sticky back of his hand absently and listening to the cicadas chirp.
Shirley leaves the game to come sit by him. “I’m tired,” she says. Lelouch grunts. Shirley sighs, trying to think of what to say. “You were... really passionate back there.”
Lelouch hums.
“At the theatre,” she clarifies.
“I just...” he snorts again. It seems a little tired. “I get angry sometimes. Really angry.”
“Really?” she asks lightly. “That was the first time I’ve seen you get angry.”
“I try not to. Not in public, anyway.” He isn’t looking at her, so Shirley thinks it’s fair game to say,
“So do you get angry in private?” He freezes. She continues, “...in front of Suzaku?”
“Not at him!” Lelouch snaps, whipping his head around at last, if only to glare at her. “He-- He helps me.”
Lelouch is winding down again, watching Suzaku from the corner of his eyes. Suzaku waves to them and Shirley makes sure to wave back.
“Did Suzaku put you up to this?” Lelouch accuses.
“Oh my-- geez-- really?” Shirley just really can’t believe him sometimes. Her voice must’ve gotten louder, because Suzaku looks over. Shirley slaps a hand over her mouth and waves again, quickly reassuring Suzaku. The Eleven boy looks suspicious before turning back to the game.
“...sorry,” Lelouch says, almost to himself it’s so quiet. Shirley really can’t decide whether to like him for his passion for Suzaku or hate him because he doesn’t seem to want that passion in him. He gives things to his friends, but he also acts like they are burdens. He apologizes, but he does it quietly, reluctantly, and it’s driving Shirley crazy.
“You said he helps you?” Shirley prompts.
Lelouch looks supremely uncomfortable. “With my anger. All the time, he’s helping me. I... used to be angry all the time. When we were younger, Suzaku and I got into a lot of fights because of it. I didn’t even know how to stop being angry.”
Shirley can’t deny that it sounds a little scary, put like that, but Lelouch also looks very skinny and delicate, and Shirley doubts he could hurt her, even if he is a boy.
“And now?” she asks.
“I’m working on it,” he mutters. “It’s so hard. I still feel angry inside. But Suzaku helps me see how it affects people around me, so I try not to aim it at people that don’t deserve it.”
“Why?” she presses, looking for something human there instead of a wad of rage and flame. She‘s beginning to see it, but right now it makes no sense. “What makes you angry?”
“...never mind, Shirley,” Lelouch says, and his tone means ‘Stop asking’. So she stops, and sits with him even though it’s so uncomfortable around him. Suzaku rejoins them half an hour later, or maybe an eternity later, and they walk home.
Rating: PG
Fandom: Code Geass
Characters: Shirley-pov. Lelouch, Suzaku.
Summary: (Kinkmeme request.) Shirley tries to understand Lelouch. She really, really tries. But as Suzaku says: Lelouch doesn't want to be liked. He doesn't even want to like. And Shirley has to wonder if either of her friends hold any kind of hope in their hearts at all.
Status: Part two, ongoing, incomplete. Unedited
Lelouch and Rivalz don't come back for the rest of the day's classes. Shirley wanders the grounds for a bit longer than she should considering the curfew, looking for Suzaku.
She spots him just as she is returning to the girls' dorm. He is walking side by side with Lelouch.
His butt looks pretty good in those skin tight jeans, but she just now figures out who it is that loaned them to Suzaku, and for some reason she feels slightly ashamed.
She doesn't call out to them and they eventually disappear into the darkness of the night without ever having noticed her. She avoids Suzaku for the next few days without really knowing why.
Unfortunately, she can't avoid him forever, because Suzaku has told her that she is one of his only friends. So one day she finds him in the gardens, bent over a patch of flowers. He looks up at her and swipes the sweat from his brow.
"Thanks for not telling," Suzaku says earnestly. "If anyone knew I was going with Lelouch, it could be big trouble."
Shirley considers him for a moment. She thinks about what it takes for two guys to share clothes. "Why?" she asks.
Suzaku shrugs, looking awkward. "You know. It's not so bad for students to stop and talk to me while I'm doing my work, like you do. Or well, they can't do anything because you're not breaking the rules. But if they knew I was with Lelouch while he skipped class... you know?"
"No," Shirley says, and she isn't lying, and this seems to make Suzaku uncomfortable. He mutters something about bad influences and trails off, searching for a way to change the subject. Shirley wants to talk about Lelouch. "I didn't know you were friends with him."
Suzaku's lips quirk. "I don't guess many people know anything about Lelouch."
This is true enough, but Shirley thought she knew something about Suzaku. Suzaku chances a brief glance into her eyes.
"You don't like him, do you?" Suzaku asks knowingly, and just a little bit slyly.
"Does he... does he talk about me behind my back?" Shirley asks indignantly.
Suzaku counters, "Do you talk about him behind his back?"
Shirley's mouth snaps shut, because she can't honestly deny that she's ever done such a thing.
Suzaku chuckles and says, "No. He hardly speaks about anyone."
Shirley translates this to mean that she isn't even on Lamperouge's radar.
“I’m sorry,” Shirley sighs. “I really don’t like him after all.”
Suzaku doesn’t seem at all bothered by this. “I didn’t like him at first either. It’s alright. You might never like him. I don’t think he wants people to like him.”
“What? Why not?” Shirley asks, eyebrows furrowed. Thoughts of Lamperouge only become increasingly frustrating with time. Suzaku wipes his hands on his work shorts, then grabs a handful of flowers and cuts them with his shears. He stands and hands them to Shirley, and she accepts without thinking.
He is sweating and she can smell it from here, but it isn’t an unpleasant sort of sweat like most boys their age. He also smells like dirt and sunshine. Also, even though it seems that his voice has already cracked, the strong legs sticking out from his shorts are hairless. She can tell because her face is on fire and she doesn’t want to look him in the eye, so she is looking down instead even as she clutches the flowers between her breasts.
“Because he doesn’t want to like anyone,” Suzaku says evenly. It takes Shirley a moment to remember what he’s talking about. She looks shyly back up at Suzaku.
“That’s... sad, I guess,” she says softly. Suzaku nods.
Apparently he agrees with her.
There’s still the matter of the project to consider, so Shirley texts Rivalz who texts Lelouch and they invite Rivalz to the clubhouse on Wednesday. Rivalz acts even goofier than usual around Milly, who looks at him like he’s a strange, fascinating creature making amusing but terrifying faces behind the glass at a zoo.
Lelouch says “wait” and leaves the council room, only to return less than five minutes later with white clothes. She’s a little stupefied-- how did he go to his dorm and back so quickly --until she realizes that the pants, at least, belong to Suzaku: she’s seen him wear a pair just like them when he’s doing work inside.
“Hey!” she says, offended on Suzaku’s behalf. “You went into Suzaku’s apartment?”
Lelouch gives her an expression that, on anyone else, should convey annoyance, but on him was a positive death glare.
“What are you saying?” he says, voice edged and raised. Milly raises her eyebrows and Rivalz gapes like a dumb fish. “Shirley... it isn’t polite to assume things, no matter the situation. I went into my apartment. I’m allowed to do that. Rivalz. Go change into these in the bathroom. We’ll draw while they’re on you so that everything lines up.”
Rivalz is completely dominated in this situation and accepts the clothes without a word. He is still bug-eyed as he leaves the council room.
Milly is the first one to react, because Shirley is being hit with a million mental bricks as she realizes the meaning of Lelouch’s words. “So. Lelouch does not, in fact, have nerves of steel.”
Lelouch is silent as he rummages in a drawer. He produces a marker labeled washable.
“Uhm--” Shirley starts.
“I live here, too,” Lelouch explains. “With Suzaku.”
“...not in the dorms?” Shirley asks.
“No,” he confirms. “Here in the clubhouse. I live with Suzaku.”
Rivalz returns, and Lelouch grabs him and begins to speak of the project. The tension eases the longer they focus on the drawing and labeling of ribs, and it helps when Rivalz turns out to be ticklish and bursts out laughing. At the end of the meeting, Shirley apologizes. Lelouch says nothing and leaves. This time Shirley watches him go.
He does not descend the main steps, as the President does. Lelouch turns a corner and follows a hallway all the way back, and unlocks a door with a key.
Shirley doesn’t know how to bring the subject up with Suzaku, or even if she should, and so she doesn’t. When she next sees him, she keeps the mood light and airy, and he doesn’t seem to notice anything different. On Friday morning, though, as Shirley lays back in her bed and lets the alarm buzz, she realizes that she has been allowing Lelouch’s snit-fit of Wednesday to control her up until now.
That’s it. No more. She won’t spend another day tiptoeing on eggshells around either Lelouch or Suzaku! She hits the buzzer and jumps out of bed-- then immediately regrets doing so and falls back to her blankets.
“Get up, Shirley,” says Sophie exasperatedly.
“Nooo, five more minutes...”
Shirley catches Rivalz in the class before lunch and somehow manages to convince him to eat lunch with her. She says to talk about the project, and he agrees, but as they both sit there, staring at each other and chewing slowly, Shirley figures out that they are both using each other. It feels a little bad, but if he doesn’t mind, then she won’t mind.
“Rivalz, have you always been Lelouch’s friend?”
Rivalz shakes his head and moves his food to his cheek in order to talk. “No, I didn’t even know the guy existed in middle school. I only just met him at the beginning of high school. I haven’t been friends with him for long.”
Shirley shifts. “And you... well. Why do you like him?” She feels guilty for putting it that way.
Rivalz doesn’t seem too offended, though. “He’s cool.”
“...I don’t see it.”
Rivalz laughs and proceeds to tell her a story about Lelouch. He says that he was gambling against a nobleman-- and Shirley was shocked enough at this point, never considering that one of her classmates would engage in illegal activities and then admit to it so blatantly --and then Lelouch came in just as Rivalz was losing. Apparently Lelouch saved Rivalz from a horrible debt and made a fool out of the nobleman.
“So he’s a gambler. And he likes to humiliate people,” Shirley accuses.
Rivalz shrugs again, not bothered by this assessment. “Yeah, sure. Well. Noblemen. Lelouch really hates noblemen. I haven’t seen him humiliate anyone else. Plus, he saved me. So, yeah. He’s pretty cool.” Rivalz chews his food for a second and thinks. “And uhm. Well. He’s not such a bad guy, you know. It’s not just that he’s cool, I mean.”
“I’ve never seen him be nice,” Shirley says.
“Well, I don’t know about nice, really. I guess he’s a nice jerk. Like, here.” Rivalz tilts the box he is eating out of forward. It’s shrimp and broccoli in sauce, with a lot of rice on the side. “He made this for me.”
Shirley drops her plastic fork and has to catch it before it slides off her lap and into the grass. “He... made you lunch?”
Rivalz seems to catch on to what he has said and his ears get a little red. Defensively, he pulls his lunchbox back and says, “That’s just the kind of guy he is! He’s not nice about it, and it’s not like he made it specially for me. I was just, you know, visiting and he shoved it at me and said it was leftovers he needed to get rid of.”
Shirley hums and goes back to eating her salad. She lets Rivalz ask her about Milly for the rest of the lunch period, because they have spent enough time thinking about Lelouch.
Milly figures out what Shirley did and has the gall to laugh at her the next time they’re in the same room.
“I thought you hated Lelouch,” Milly chuckles out.
“I do!” Shirley says. “What gave you the idea that I don’t! He’s a jerk! Even his friends admit it!”
Milly laughs some more and shushes her with hand waves and hugs.
It isn’t until much later, as they sit side by side and watch the clouds drift over the balcony of the clubhouse-- of Lelouch and Suzaku’s home --that Milly sighs. She looks very solemn as she says, “It’s almost like some sort of fairytale, isn’t it? The mysterious, handsome stranger?”
Shirley blushes. There isn’t anything wrong in liking fairytales, she thinks, but Milly seems to think otherwise. The older girl never takes her eyes off the clouds.
“But things don’t work that way, unfortunately.”
Shirley rests her hand on Milly’s, and her friend flips her hand so that their palms are touching. They smile at each other, but Milly seems a little sad. Shirley stays with Milly until the girl heads on home, but Shirley lingers a bit herself there on the balcony, feeling a little like an intruder and a little like a guest. The sun doesn’t set until nine at night.
That weekend, Shirley wakes up when she pleases, and by that time it’s too late for breakfast and Sophie is gone. Lazily stretching in bed, Shirley spies the vase on her desk; the flowers have finally given it up, and have wilted in the pot she made in art two years ago.
Shirley checks her mail and finds a letter from her father. Enclosed are two tickets to the theatre.
Shirley knows just who to take, and shows up on his doorstep somewhere around ten. Well. She supposes it could be considered his doorstep, but the doors to the clubhouse aren’t locked. She steps inside and calls out a hello that merely bounces back to her, ringing in the uncharacteristic emptiness of the place.
She ascends the main staircase and finds the hallway that Lelouch turned down on Wednesday. She follows it as he did to the very back, where a door that is practically indistinguishable from those around it stands closed. She fluffs her skirt quickly, runs a hand through her hair, and knocks on the door.
She stands there for a few minutes, wondering if anyone is home, wondering if the knock was loud enough, wondering if they saw her coming up and decided not to answer-- until finally the door swings forward to Lelouch, who looks surprised. The expression is faintly adorable. Shirley smiles at him.
“Hi there,” she says cheerily. “Uhm, is Suzaku home?”
Lelouch hesitates and Shirley watches his features go back under the iron rule of his usual emotionless facade. “Yes,” he says and steps back. “Come in.”
The apartment is clean, and it smells very nice. It’s pretty spacious for two teenagers. Lelouch leads her past the dining room, where the most delicious scent is wafting, and into the living room, where Suzaku is sitting at a table, hunched over a book and some papers.
“You have a visitor,” Lelouch calls.
Suzaku’s head whips up and, upon seeing Shirley, splits into a smile. “Hi!” he says. “Why are you here?”
“Just visiting,” Shirley says a little breathlessly, because Suzaku looks very handsome at that moment, and she’d already decided this was nothing resembling a date or anything of the sort.
Lelouch moves to Suzaku’s side and sits in the chair next to him. He doesn’t speak as he reads the paper that Suzaku had been writing on, picks up a red pen, and starts marking it. Suzaku drags his eyes away from Shirley for just a moment to watch Lelouch’s markings. Lelouch nods once, sets the paper down, and then goes back to the dining room.
“Oh, er, sit down,” Suzaku says, gesturing to a sofa. Shirley shakes her head.
“I just wanted to ask-- do you like the theatre?”
Suzaku looks at her, innocent as a five year old, and says, “I’ve only been to Britannian theatre once, why?”
Shirley smiles at his adorableness. “You see, my father works far away, but he sometimes sends me stuff like this to cheer me up--”
She takes the envelope out of her purse and withdraws one of the tickets. He takes it from her as soon as she extends it. He is beginning to blush as he reads it, which makes Shirley blush.
“--oh, uhm, please... don’t misunderstand. Not like, a date thing, just a, you know... a friend thing, because--” because she doesn’t think Elevens are allowed into the theatre without company “--well, I never see you take a break from work, I mean, you’re studying even on the weekend, so...”
Suzaku seems to accept this and goes back to beaming at her. “I see. Thank you very much for thinking of me!” He gives her a small bow. “I couldn’t possibly accept this, though, it’s too kind.”
A little taken aback, Shirley flushes and says, “What, are you sure? I really... well, you’re the first person I thought of to go.”
Suzaku shakes his head with a smile. “Really, you don’t have to--”
“Don’t mind him, Shirley,” Lelouch cuts in abruptly as he slinks back into the room. Shirley bristles; he’s been eavesdropping this entire time! It’s not like Shirley would mind if he were listening, but to pretend to go to another room whilst actually focusing on them was.... But Lelouch continues, “He’s unused to receiving gifts from Britannians, and so all he knows is Japanese customs.”
Suzaku huffs. “What did I do wrong?”
Lelouch looks a little bit amused-- or is that just a trick in Shirley’s eye? “If a girl asks you out, dolt, even on something that isn’t a date, you’re supposed to agree the first time, readily. Don‘t treat it like a gift you have to refuse. You won‘t look greedy if you accept the first time.”
Suzaku sticks his tongue out, sensing there is no need to be formal. “And what do you know? You never say yes to the girls who ask you out.”
“Because I don’t--”
“Lelouch, you never get out of the house either. You should go on a date with a girl. I think if you tried it, you’d enjoy it. It isn’t like pulling teeth, you know,” Suzaku says, and there’s a mischievous glint in his narrow eyes. Shirley hides her giggles behind her hand.
Lelouch’s pale cheeks color slightly. “I’m perfectly fine where I am, thank you,” he says icily, but the effect is ruined by his spreading blush.
“Are you scared of girls?” Suzaku prods.
“Scared!” Lelouch hisses in indignation. “Suzaku--”
Shirley can’t help but to feel a little exhilarated. Suzaku is the king of riling up Lelouch! Shirley has never seen so many reactions from the cold boy in the entire few months she’s known him!
“Well, if you’re not scared of girls, and Shirley says it isn’t a date, then why don’t we get a ticket for you as well, Lelouch?”
Shirley’s smile freezes in place and she looks at Suzaku quickly. The Eleven boy doesn’t even have the decency to look embarrassed or ashamed for forcing such an unlikable person on Shirley. Instead he looks very determined and... feisty, something she never would have expected from Suzaku, the gentle, quiet Eleven.
“Or,” Suzaku pushes, “is it something else you’re afraid of?”
Lelouch looks absolutely flabbergasted but also angry and offended. Shirley backs away, because it sort of looks like the entire situation is about to explode, but Lelouch ends up scoffing-- quite loudly, an ‘ugh!’ or epic proportions --and marches across the living room, disappearing into a hallway that Shirley can only guess must belong to the bedrooms.
Things turn very awkward between Shirley and Suzaku, and stay awkward until he shows her to the door about ten minutes later.
“Shirley,” he whispers, sounding like a little boy. When she turns around, he finally looks guilty. He says, “I’m sorry about that. If you don’t want him to go...”
“Well,” Shirley says, hating being put on the spot like this. “You and I are friends after all... but, Suzaku, why--”
“Because I--”
...Suzaku had been about to respond, about to say the truth; Shirley can see that raw truth in his eyes. But he stops, and swallows it down, and it only confuses Shirley. Why? Why why why?
“Ah, just because... I worry about him, you know?” Suzaku says at last. They look at each other with hesitation, until Suzaku finally steers her out into the hallway. He closes the door to the apartment behind them, and then motions Shirley to follow him. Wary but intrigued, Shirley follows him into the break room.
“Suzaku?” she asks.
“I know he’s a jerk, Shirley, I know I know I know. I knew him when we were kids, I grew up with him, he’s always been like this. Okay, not always.” His eyes glance upward as if trying to remember something, and then he sighs and shakes his head. “But almost always. I know he’s difficult, actually, I hated him when we first met, and I hated him for a long time after that. But I... he’s my friend now. He’s my best friend.”
Shirley stares at him, lips pursed but sympathetic. Suzaku is rubbing his forehead, but Shirley still doesn’t know what he’s getting at.
“I really care about him,” Suzaku admits lowly. “He’s not an entirely bad person. He, uhm, this isn’t an excuse for him being rude to anyone, but... bad things have happened to him, you know? And I just want to show him that, uh. That life doesn’t just-- end.”
There’s a strange look on Suzaku’s face as he says that, but his head is tilted downward.
“So, if he could come with us, that is, if he wants to, I’d be happy. Because it’s hard enough to get him to leave the house for school or gambling. I’d like to see him make friends, too. If I can, he can. I’d like to see him out and about. Shirley, do you know what I’m talking about?”
Shirley takes a deep, shuddering breath, nods, and hugs Suzaku. Tenderly.
Shirley is restless for the rest of the day. She only agreed because Suzaku is her friend and she doesn’t want to hurt his feelings by shunning someone so dear to him; but she honestly cannot see this good side that Rivalz and Suzaku speak of. As far as Shirley can see, he’s lazy, vicious, and fake, through and through.
But, she sighs to herself, perhaps Suzaku is right, and exposing Lelouch to things like friendship will soften him some. She tries her best not to be negative or spiteful and for the most part manages to convince herself that the outing will be alright.
In her bed that night, she finds herself caught up wondering what the boys are doing to prepare. Has Suzaku managed to convince Lelouch yet? It’s hard even for her to picture, but she thinks about Suzaku and Lelouch possibly engaged in a shouting match this very moment. Or maybe Suzaku persuaded him gently, or maybe there was blackmail involved, or...
And what about clothes...? Suzaku seems to only own work clothes. Will he borrow some of Lelouch’s clothes again? Will they go... shopping?!
(“Lelouch, what do you think?” - “It’s orange.” - “Yeah, does it look good?” - “...Suzaku, it’s orange.” - “Okay, fine, what about--”)
Shirley flops around in bed, mind buzzing too much to be able to fall asleep.
On Sunday around noon, Shirley waits by the main gates, as agreed. She gets more and more worried as time goes on and Suzaku doesn’t show up, not to mention hungry.
Just as she figures she might as well cross the yards and visit the clubhouse, she hears her name carried to her on the breeze. “Shirley~”
When she turns around, it is Suzaku jogging towards her, waving one arm and dressed nicely for once, a broad grin on his face... and Lelouch is trailing behind him at a much slower pace.
Shirley beams at them both. “Hi, Suzaku. Ready to go?” He nods in barely constrained enthusiasm, and it warms Shirley’s chest; she’s almost never seen him so pleased. She leans around him as Lelouch finally catches up. “Hi, Lelouch!”
Lelouch stares at her for a beat, stance regal and poised. “Hello.”
She can’t help but notice: Lelouch is wearing jeans and a long-sleeved, black shirt, despite the intense heat that hangs over the land. He must be extremely conservative, Shirley decides, or shy. Lean guys like him tend to be self-conscious, she thinks.
The three of them go for lunch before the play, and honestly Lelouch isn’t half bad. Indeed, he is too subdued for Suzaku’s tastes, as Suzaku continuously nudges him or prompts him in conversations. Shirley tries to help her friend out by also making room to include Lelouch in conversations, but it doesn’t work very well.
Their failure is, of course, relative. To anyone else, it seems Lelouch is very engaged-- but then, it is always surprising to Shirley how many people fall for his fake smiles and cold politeness. He says one or two sentences, responding to the prompts fully and intelligently, but there is no connection in his eyes. He isn’t at all engaged.
Again, Shirley is struck by just how regal Lelouch is, sitting with perfect posture as he delicately cuts up his chicken and brings the tiniest bite to his mouth. He makes not a single sound while eating, doesn’t ever bite into a piece that’s too hot, doesn’t spill a single drop of his water, doesn’t fumble at any point for a basket of rolls. He is elegance defined.
Even Suzaku, whom she hadn’t expected to be all that civilized, is very practiced in his movements. The manager had asked them to take a seat outside so that Suzaku did not offend as many customers. Shirley hadn’t really thought about it, but Suzaku had told her with a smile that it was very reasonable, and asked Shirley to thank the manager for him. (“Thank her? Why?” - “For letting me eat here at all.”) Only Lelouch had seemed bothered by this, but it passed by his face quickly, and he shrugged off the hand that Suzaku had placed on his shoulder. Indeed, Suzaku is gracious and charming in everything he does.
It is a real shame he wasn’t born Britannian. If he was Britannian and Lelouch were not here, this would actually be an excellent date...
--Shirley blushes and is too quick with her fork. She, Suzaku, and Lelouch all wince when it scrapes across the plate.
The theatre is dark and cold, so very different from outside. Again, some official from the theatre comes forward, but this time, he asks Shirley to leave her Eleven outside.
Shirley shakes her head, bewildered and a little embarrassed on Suzaku’s behalf. “No, he’s not mine, he’s...” She points vaguely to Lelouch.
Shirley is not expecting it at all, and so is quite, quite startled-- so much so that she even jumps --at the absolutely hateful, venomous tone of Lelouch’s voice.
“The tickets are already paid for,” Lelouch hisses at the man, who also seems startled by Lelouch’s sudden passion.
“Yes, sir, but we have a strict policy here. We would be glad to refund you your money, but you can‘t bring your Eleven in here--”
“He isn’t mine,” Lelouch says, voice beginning to rise. Behind him, Suzaku looks very nervous. “He’s his own person, and he wants to watch the damn play.”
“Sir, unfortunately we’ve received complaints about his presence from some of our esteemed guests--”
Some of the others around them are shifting restlessly. (“Really!” - “What’s all the fuss about?” - “Get that Eleven out of here!”) Shirley holds up her hands and mouths ‘sorry’ to the other guests. Suzaku is tugging on Lelouch’s sleeve, but Lelouch won’t listen.
“Just let us sit down. There’ll be no harm in that,” Lelouch says, obviously suppressing his volume. “The lights will dim when it’s time for the show and your esteemed guests--” Lelouch practically spits the words out of his mouth “--won’t have to see him at all.”
“You will really have to leave now!” the manager says angrily.
In the end, there can be no fighting against the inevitable. By the time the play starts, the three of them are back outside in the harsh sunlight, only made harsher by the darkness they just came from. At least Shirley and Lelouch have gotten a refund, but Lelouch doesn’t seem calm yet. Rather, he is desperately clawing himself back to calmness, and Shirley has to step back and let him as Suzaku tries to sooth his friend.
“I’m sorry,” Suzaku says to Shirley. “This is all my fault--”
“--it isn’t!” Lelouch snaps, lip curled.
Shirley shakes her head and attempts a smile. “No, really, I think Lelouch is right,” she says quietly. “I don’t think it’s your fault. They could’ve at least asked us to sit in the back or something. In fact, I’m sorry for inviting you. I should’ve thought of this.”
Lelouch huffs and turns away from them, bracing himself on the nearby railing. Suzaku watches him hopelessly.
“I’m sorry it didn’t turn out the way you wanted,” Shirley whispers to him.
Suzaku is silent for a moment, then perks right back up. “Well, since we’re here and out and about, err... why don’t we go to a park?”
Shirley perks up along with him. “Hey, that’s a good idea! And ice cream, what about that!”
They give each other conspiratorial smiles and surge upon Lelouch, taking either arm and dragging him physically away from the theatre, deaf to his indignant protests.
It’s almost too hot to be outside, but the ice cream helps. Granted, they all have to lick their hands or the sides of the cones once or twice to keep their clothes from getting ruined. Shirley looks over at the two boys sitting next to her on the shaded bench and giggles. Suzaku gives her an adorably confused look.
“Our ice cream,” she says before he can ask. “Lelouch has vanilla. You have chocolate. I have strawberry. It fits, don’t you think?”
Suzaku takes a minute to process that and then laughs, nodding and nudging Lelouch. Lelouch is as pale as the vanilla running down his hand. He snorts and smiles a little, but the smile melts away. He really is just like ice cream. Cold.
At some point, Suzaku leaves them, running full speed across the park, and comes back ten minutes later with a cheap ball he bought with Lelouch’s money at a nearby shop. Shirley and he play for a long time, and even some other Elevens join in as they pass. Lelouch stays in the shadows, rubbing the sticky back of his hand absently and listening to the cicadas chirp.
Shirley leaves the game to come sit by him. “I’m tired,” she says. Lelouch grunts. Shirley sighs, trying to think of what to say. “You were... really passionate back there.”
Lelouch hums.
“At the theatre,” she clarifies.
“I just...” he snorts again. It seems a little tired. “I get angry sometimes. Really angry.”
“Really?” she asks lightly. “That was the first time I’ve seen you get angry.”
“I try not to. Not in public, anyway.” He isn’t looking at her, so Shirley thinks it’s fair game to say,
“So do you get angry in private?” He freezes. She continues, “...in front of Suzaku?”
“Not at him!” Lelouch snaps, whipping his head around at last, if only to glare at her. “He-- He helps me.”
Lelouch is winding down again, watching Suzaku from the corner of his eyes. Suzaku waves to them and Shirley makes sure to wave back.
“Did Suzaku put you up to this?” Lelouch accuses.
“Oh my-- geez-- really?” Shirley just really can’t believe him sometimes. Her voice must’ve gotten louder, because Suzaku looks over. Shirley slaps a hand over her mouth and waves again, quickly reassuring Suzaku. The Eleven boy looks suspicious before turning back to the game.
“...sorry,” Lelouch says, almost to himself it’s so quiet. Shirley really can’t decide whether to like him for his passion for Suzaku or hate him because he doesn’t seem to want that passion in him. He gives things to his friends, but he also acts like they are burdens. He apologizes, but he does it quietly, reluctantly, and it’s driving Shirley crazy.
“You said he helps you?” Shirley prompts.
Lelouch looks supremely uncomfortable. “With my anger. All the time, he’s helping me. I... used to be angry all the time. When we were younger, Suzaku and I got into a lot of fights because of it. I didn’t even know how to stop being angry.”
Shirley can’t deny that it sounds a little scary, put like that, but Lelouch also looks very skinny and delicate, and Shirley doubts he could hurt her, even if he is a boy.
“And now?” she asks.
“I’m working on it,” he mutters. “It’s so hard. I still feel angry inside. But Suzaku helps me see how it affects people around me, so I try not to aim it at people that don’t deserve it.”
“Why?” she presses, looking for something human there instead of a wad of rage and flame. She‘s beginning to see it, but right now it makes no sense. “What makes you angry?”
“...never mind, Shirley,” Lelouch says, and his tone means ‘Stop asking’. So she stops, and sits with him even though it’s so uncomfortable around him. Suzaku rejoins them half an hour later, or maybe an eternity later, and they walk home.
